无奈-ing~

待会儿就要回到加影了~
开始新的一个学期~
其实，并没有很期待~
没有特别开心，也没有特别伤心~
特别无奈倒是有一点点的~

什么咚咚在作祟啊？
结束开始，从来都由不到我们来作主~
所以呢~
还是乖乖收拾心情，迎接即将来临的新挑战吧~

本人还是比较期待一月四日，套上牙套的那一天，如果一切都顺利的话~
那个对我来说，才比较像一个新的开始~
开始我的牙套生活~

现在，好好享受当下吧~

前进，还是后退~~

我又回来了，不好意思，又要blog些不开心的东西，因为除了生日那天，我都好像没开心过了。。。

这几天开始会烦，开始会胡思乱想，开始会有负面想法。。。
朋友问我又发生什么事情了，我说我们就是什么都没发生。。。
开始发现自己越陷越深了，怎么办？
该继续这样下去？还是该减少联络，减少见面，放自己的心一条生路？
为什么要放弃？因为当你不知道你喜欢的人在想什么时，完全sense不到他对你怎样时，但表面上又好像很close时，那种像下一步就会踩到地雷的感觉一点都不好受。。。唯有立即逃离，不然最后被炸得粉身碎骨，我能怨谁？
开口？难道我没想过吗？但没把握的事我是不会做的。。。你说我自卑也好，怕死也好，我都不管，我就是怕死！！怎样！！怎样！！

那种感觉又回来了。。。谁说暗恋也是一种幸福？bullshit!!!!

已经做了最坏的心理准备，就是，在我什么都没做的情况下，我会失去他。。。

我就是没胆。。。我承认。。。

为了一个你喜欢，但他不知道自己喜欢他的人，伤心是难免的，但不是应该~

random update~~

back back back!!!!finally~~~~

Finally finish my final, it was sux, that's wad i can comment....first time feeeeeel dat stress u know...n finally i understand y some mahasiswa and mahasiswi will commit suicide~~~but still it has over.....yippie!!!!!

well, start working at klcc, selling RENE FURTERER, a hair care product from France....once think dat need to work, one word>>>SIEN...maybe instead of feeling sien sien dei, i shud hav learn to make my life more colourful......

Fortunately, i still manage to get some rest b4 starting to work....went back to hometown to accompany my grandparents....went movie, 2012 wiv my physio fren n overnight at their place....then went a late night movie<> with den.....these two movies makes me learn to appreciate wad we hav currently, but not to demand too much, u'll need to pay more than wad u demand.....n 2012 not bad a movie also.....i wonder if or earth will turn out like that in the future 2 years....well, God decides this....

N one more pleasant thing, hehe, if everything goes well, 1st of dec will start to wear a seperator on my teeth, n after few weeks i can start my bracing....huhu..so excited once think about it....may everything goes well then....coz i've waited for one year plus.....*whee*^^

work work work later!!!!!!!!!>.<

away~~~

huhu, i'm here to bid a transient gdbye............yyy???
becoz....
becoz.................
i'll be having final next week until almost mid of nov............urgh!!!!
this sem final is totally a nightmare for me~~~

well, pharmacology make me sick for memorising all the drugs, their MOA and side effects.....reli headache with this.......
Chemistry n its 'derivatives' wakakaka..........make me look stupid!!!
sigh...

Conclusion, break both legs for myself n to frens who r having exam also....

Jia You, Jia You.........JIA YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

^^

i'm scared!!!!!!!!!down~~~

Now is 2.00am, n yes, i juz finished my mcd filet-o-fish set....tml 9.00am dance practice again, i supposed right on my bed now instead of blogging~~~BUT!! BUT!! I REALLY NEED A WAY OUT!!!!

I shouldnt be complained here as i was willing to join this n dance all 6 dances at the first place, neway, i juz wanna say it out to make myself feel better.......

Practised for 2 days (whole day) continuously.....n finally we ALMOST completed all 6 dances....juz need to polish up all the movement...n we only left ONE WEEK for performance.....n seriously, our dance, none of one can move to the stage........First time i feel so stress!!!!!!!

Today being the first time we do a full run on dance without drama....ya, non-stop, after 1st dance continue wiv 2nd dance...the outcome of 6 dances, terrible+horrible+vegetable!!!!!
i knew all the main campus dancers din mentally prepared for the following dance as we reli reli tired as in physically n mentally......Thank God teacher din reli scold us as they knew we r tired too n we juz finish all the movement by yesterday n today, not reli familiar completely wiv all the movement yet....they juz wanna c how well we can handle if anything happen on stage....

First time i saw my dancemates blurred until ask us where she supposed to stand,
First time i saw my dancemates blank until ask us wad's the dance all about...(by the time we all finish choreograph the dance edi),
First time i found myself reach the place but dunno wad movement to start...
First time i found myself langsung blank for the next movement like we nvr did b4......
First time i found our dance sooooooooo CHAOS!!!!
First time i found we r not sure wiv our movement.....
I hav lost confidence seriously....:(

All of these mistakes can no longer appear in practice or rehearsal right 1-week b4 of performance!!!!!!
I felt sorry to teacher coz i did reli badly for all the 6 dances....
i din mentally prepared, i'm not alert.......
sigh, this time i reli reli feel that i got no confidence in handling each dance....:(

B4 start the first dance, i reli can feel my heart beat faster, first time i feel that like i'm getting heart attack u know~~

Well, treat today as an experience.....i reli hope dat the next rehearsal, all the dancers can dance better, cannot worse than this time seriously.....

GOD!!!!!!!giv all the pt-30 dancers power for one week plus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!only one week plus plz~~~~~~~~~~~all of us must dance till finish the performance........

JIA YOU EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hypnotise myself that my body, my muscle isnt pain, (eventhought it is, doubt if tml can move or not)
hypnotise myself that my skin is not itchy........(THANKS to fungus infection, now even my armpit also kena edi...........super duper pain man!!!!!!!!!!)
hypnotise myself i'm not tired, i'm awaken, i can memo all the movement, i can dance it all out wiv the right feel!!!!
hypnotise myself wiv everything that can aid me in dancing~~~~

I DUN FEEL PAIN N ITCHY~~~

finish, sleep!!!!!!!!nite nite everyone!!!

when i'm back to KL....

Finally, finally i manage to get myself to my bloggie again.....huhu, having raya break now, n i'm at KL now, super happy!!!!it's been ages i din go home.....feel so gd!!!n of coz, once i get myself back, non-stop outing.....lolz....wiv all my kaki......hahaha......
Friday night went to TS for bowling session, as usual, i broke my nails....n thanks to nic for treat us red wine......congratz for getting 1st runner up for ur logo designing ya....hahaha...

~obviously i'm lil bit drunk, after 4 of us, or i shud say 3 of us as kah yan not reli drink, finish the red wine......

The second day at KL, attended my cousin's wedding, far relatives la, i nvr c my cousin pun......no photos available, sorry......:p

Third day at KL, went out for movie 'Final Destination 4' wiv denson....n celebrate his birthday as well........opps, no photo as well, aiks, shud take one wiv him, such a memorable day....lolz.....

Well, 3 days gone like that......tml seriously need to study edi.....all the notes stack like!!!urgh!!!!hate it!!!!

2 days more gotta back to kajang again, so fast......i juz saw my parents for 1 day....they r all now in perak, left me n my bros~~~miss them so much~~~:(

N ya, before i forgot, SELAMAT HARI RAYA for those muslim, may all of u hav an unforgettable celebration wiv ur loved ones...n HAPPY HOLIDAYS for those non-muslims ya...^^ciaouzzz~~

bz like a bumblebee~~

hey guys out there, sorry for the lack update coz the owner is super bz wiv her life recently....
of coz not reli happening one.......sigh, wad u expect a uni student life would be??
well, cant runaway from tutorials n lectures class.......n the things that reli stressed me out is the ongoing mid-sem test and the PT dancing stuff....well, mid-sem is being dragged for 3 weeks which is a nighmare for me..sigh, juz let me die faster would be better.....
Then dancing also crash 99 wiv my mid-sem......sigh.......but luckily i hav mentally prepared since the day i enter the dancing.......so, so far i still can withstand de.....juz cut down my outing will do, less napping......muz fully utilised my time.....

anyhow, sometimes u'll think that bz life is gd, where u dun hav much time to think all those non-sense stuff.....

Jia you jia you~~~^^

Stay strong Brother!!!

~This pic was grabbed from nic's blog. I supposed this is the pic that he wanted to send to me juz mms problem make me cant receive any.

Brother current condition. Thank God that he managed to live thru the critical 48 hours~~somwhow he looks very weak........i heard nic said he's hardly to breath also......Sigh, all of us cant do anything, we juz can pray as hard as we can, hopefully our prayers will accompany Brother throughout his tough moments...

Brother Lawrence, God will be with u, we'll be with u, Johannians' will be with u, all our prayers will be with u.......stay strong!

emo-talk: this is life, where everyone muz go thru death.....sometimes u'll wonder y God makes us but eventually we'll leave also? Coz God wan us learn from this dynamic world which lived with all sorts of ppl......He wants us to lose our beloved, and we learn to appreciate; He wants us to fall from the peak, and we learn to become stronger; He lets us go through lots of obstacles, becoz He wants us to be learnt...God loves us, but He wont giv us wad we WANT, but He will giv us wad we NEED, to make our life complete....Be gd, coz God is walking wiv us~~

心态的调整

学会用‘心态的调整’运用在舞蹈上，为什么到现在才发现在生活里我都没运用到呢？

或许，换个方式过生活，会让自己快乐一点~

不要理所当然的可以，不要为了去做而做~

我想这样子，任何方面，都会少了一些执著吧！

*最近的情绪敏感的可以，心情晃得很厉害~我真的真的真的超级超级讨厌荷尔蒙失调！！！*

*接下来的日子，练舞，练舞，再练舞~~肌肉还没痛完隔天又要拉筋。。。不过痛得甘愿，因为我喜欢contemp。。。。什么是contemp?看看以上的照片就知道了。有人形容它是一种‘看不明白’的舞。。。要将contemp跳好，难度很高~很开心这次的PT又学了一些新东西，舞步也明显的比起去年难。。。加油，一定可以的~~舞蹈可以，生活也一定可以~

Post reply~

If my doctor told me i hav only left 48 hours or less than 48 hours to live......
I may cry, as i know i'm going to leave this world in no time.....
I no longer can do things as usual in this world.....
I'll use the remaining the 48 or maybe less than 48 hours to tell ppl around me how much i love them.....
I love my parents for giving the chance to me for seeing this world...
I love my siblings and friends for accompanying throghout my life.......
I love my lover for letting me learnt in love......
I love my enemy for hurting me enuf n let me grow stronger.....
I love everything i can, i wish....
I wish to hold my breath to accomplish things i wan n i need to in order to make my life complete.

However, now God is asking me to go back to Him, i got no choice but follow....
I believe God thinks that this is the right time for me to wrap up my life....
n i do believe i hav no regret in living, coz i respect n believe in God's decision....

I'll just close my eyes, breath the last breath,
and leave with dignity......

*earth is the place where we learn n shape our attitude......after completing, we hav to move on to another dimension of world to proceed our life..........live our death~*


~i would never forgot early in the morning i saw him walking on the balcony in white with his walking stick, n whenever i pass by i'll greet :"Good morning Brother Lawrence" in a very nice accent and he will reply me in a very gd way either...
~I remember nick told me i can drop by ur room and talk to you regarding life as for a person who hav live ur life more than half a decade, ur speech definitely will inspire me, n give me more inspiration and momentum to continue my journey in my life...
~I respect ur spirit for serving St.John's all these while....i respect your nobility....
~Fide et labore, always n always.......
~ur image would nvr abolished in our hearts, all the Johannian's heart....

*Praying hard for u, Brother Lawrence.....

蓝

喜欢和拥有真的不能并存吗？

学习活在感觉里~

每一次读一炉米的文章，每一次都很有感觉。。。而每一次感觉来到，才发现自己其实当了机械人好久好久~~

发现，很少和自己对话~
发现，理智多过感性~

是不是科学读得太多？那些理所当然的方程式总是充斥脑海里的每一个角落~心，很理所当然地砰跳着，却忘了砰跳的理由~
很多东西是理所当然到让粗心的人类忘了最初的理由。。。

或许应该要信仰些什么，还是寄托些什么，心才不会散掉。。。
又或许，没做自己喜欢的事情太久了，所以渐渐忘记自己真正要的是什么~
原来东西搁着太久，多重要都好，都会变得不重要。。。
所以，有些东西真得不能等太久，会累~

现在，想要慢慢找回以前的自己。。。
通往终点的唯一一条路，
就是学习活在感觉里~

my past few weeks~~~

Wow, i can c fungus is growing everywhere in my bloggie...well, coz lately ntg reli special events occur....so like no point updating....neway, there is still some stories to share for my past few weeks de~~n also yesterday...hahaha....

well well, last week went back to kl home after having pharmacology in fac kl....as my nanny visited to kl, so went back teman her for few days......n of coz wanna get my hair dyed, so need my mom's help.....

n there is another event on saturday, which is carris's convo.....b'coz her parents cant attend it, so she invited me n chai instead....


~this is the bouquet we bought for carris....

~chai n i..........

actually the event quite bored....most of the time i juz sit there playing wiv chai's slr camera...man!!!juz feeling like wanna get myself a slr camera.....but so expensive, for me la...cheapest also 1k plus, juz for the body, not included the lens, if not mistaken....sometimes, the beautiful moments wont last as we wished, so only camera can do the job...the keep the virtual feeling last~~~ok, my next target, a slr camera~~~

Met my f6 senior in the convo, met andrea.....and the remaining time was used to take pictures.......After that, i went to setapak find ji han n boon wee they all again...ntg much, juz chating, miss my frens in kl........today supposed hav one pharmacology class at kl, somehow all classes in kl hav been cancelled due to H1N1 flu, n my ex-college, KTSN was being quarantined for 3 days as few students were infected wiv the flu, until yesterday only free again.....

hopefully they will recover asap....*finger-crossing*.......

Hehe, then this week i hav attended my uni New Tune workshop........finally i get myself in as member...hopefully after this i can fulfil my wish, sing my lungs out, hahhaha....i want to paint my 2nd year in ukm in a more colourful way b4 i back to KL during 3rd year...kl campus is all about study, mostly....i dunwan buried under all the text books, it's not my type~~~

And and, hehehhe, yesterday manage to go out breath n shop for the things i want....it's been ages i din shop, budgetly....hahhaha........n after 3 hours lab, me n my housemate went to cheras selatan, jusco......

~this is the dress i wish to buy, however, even the new one has lots of deformed....although i like it very very very much but i think with the condition, it's not worth the price.....so i 'ren tong' giv up the dress, sigh, i believe i'll meet a better dress next time....well, the dress looks rather odd in the pic...but in reality it's nice....

There gone my thursday....haha.....well, today stay at home.....study!!!!!2nd year is tougher a lot more than wad i imagined........so many new things..........n 8 major papers......chemistry is killing me!!!!i prefer pharmacology 'more more sheng'!!!

偶像剧

终于，我用了三天煲完总共有二十一集的败犬女王。三天，我就哭了三次。最近哭点很低，一点点感动就会哭。哎，谁叫戏里的两位男主角都这么伟大，甘愿将心爱的女人让给情敌。台湾偶像剧就是那么庐，到最后还不是走在一起。。。

这次是第一次看偶像剧然后得到一些启发。那就是，与其抱怨身边的种种的不是，倒不如采取实际行动来解决那些问题。很管用的一句话，也可以间接地提高个人涵养。真的是很不错的一部戏，大家可以看看。^^

看完了偶像剧，结下来就要忙课业，忙国大中秋了。好开心噢，这一次又再次当舞蹈员。希望今年会比去年学到更多。加油加油!^^

finally manage to on9!!!

After N years......i manage to on9 again.......thanks to P1WiMax!!!!!

2nd year life sux!!!!!!!!!!!!!!especially polymer chem~~~~langsung dunno wad is dat....

i hate gastric~~:(

Last thursday DAWN, i was waken up by stomachache.....I thought it was just normal stomachache, so i juz ate some 'feng sha yun'...well, it turns better at first...somehow my stomach still feeling discomfort for whole day...At night, the pain attack me again, this time i reli cant stand it so go to nearby clinic and consult doctor. well, the medication that the doctor prescriped to me somekind like for those who r having fd poisoining, but i din cirit-birit lo.i asked whether i'm having gastric or wad coz i'm feeling burning sensation on the GIT and nausea, but he juz told me it's juz stomach upset..neway, juz take it first...well, became better after that....n i hav my day happily for one and a half day....

Till sunday night when i reach kajang's home, and gatal-gatal go n drink yogurt drinks......hoho, dat's the story start...i start feeling stomachache AGAIN after half an hour i drank that. And the pain is very intense, worse than last few days...i try to withstand and wait for tml morning to go to uni pusat kesihatan. However, at night, i reli seriously cant sleep at all due to the pain...So, ys send me to the clinic again n this time i request for an injection to curb the pain.....

This time, another doctor consult me which i think is better....he told me after injection if u still feeling pain then it's gastric....k, he gav me diff medication this time coz i told him last time one dun hav much effect on me, and an injection on my butt....

The effect only last for about half an hour, after that, pain again. again at dawn, i woke up and go to living room wiv my pillow, coz i scare i'll wake her up as i always crawl around due to the pain....finally, i cry...juz feeling so suffer where i still cant get myself a gd night sleep at 4am but hav to withstand the pain till the next morning...n this time i think i'm quite sure that i'm having gastric which i nvr had b4.....

So, now i hav to reli take gd k of myself n hav a proper diet to prevent this from happening again...Y gastric u'll find me???:'(

*recovering*

我要减肥！！！

今天去了carmen二十一岁的生日派对，挺开心的，和中学朋友还真的聊开了。。。没有和他们拍到照，也许最近自己变丑了，所以没有很想拍照~~

还发现了另一个大事件。我真的真的从来没有觉得自己会这样的咯！去carmen的房看到有个秤，就秤秤看咯。。。不秤还好，秤了过后超想去跳海算了。。。秤没有坏，我的体重竟然飙去56公斤！！！！我考！我当场想昏倒！！！
56耶！！！还有4公斤我就60了！！！我第一次觉得号码可以加到酱快咯！

我真的吓到够力够力！！以前那个一直把自己身形keep到好好的我去了哪里？以前的我多一小撮肥肉都死命做瑜伽了。。。现在捏到三层肉我都还可以很selamba酱打麻将。。。我都对自己失望。。。

不会再赖避孕丸了，都停吃一个多月了，为什么体重还是上升着？为什么食量还是那么大！！！

不行！这次真的要加强意志力减肥！！！

1. 没有宵夜！！（某某人：下次我帮你你可以不用请我吃大炒as宵夜了。。。）
2. 没有快餐！！（coursemates们，下次你们打包kfc n mcd不用预我了，我决定吃maggi面）
3. 勤力做瑜伽！！（拜托啦，麻将四个kaki满后，拜托自己去做瑜伽拉！）
4. 还有很多很多啦~~

LCY!!! PLZ BE DETERMINED A LIL BIT!!!!

Viewing back my previous photo, i hav realize i reli reli seriously gain lots of weight within half year...i doubt where all the fats cum from???

maybe all the cup noodles n huge amount of biscuits during study week and final exam....also the contraceptive pills which i hav taken for 2 months, cause water retention in my body....and also all the chocolates, biscuits during my 3rd sem.....n the most serious>>>> SUPPER during normal day!!!!!and of coz, my laziness not to exercise!!!!!!!!!

Argh!!!!!!No way no way, this cannot happen on me!!!i'm such a girl like beauty soooooo much...how can i turn into this way!!!!!

Ok, i giv myself 2 months (longest!!!)to return to normal!!!MuST!!!!

Sigh, my coursemate sure disappointed on me since i hav promised them that 'xiao bai' will at least cut a lil fat away within 1 week....but somehow instead cutting off the fat meat, i hav had upper for 3 days in one week.....*guilty*

幸福

哗，终于忙完了一切一切。
第三学期终于在考完forensics imaging ospe paper那一秒宣告结束。我的第三学期也从此划下美丽的句点。
当然，结束了不代表忙完了一切。
第二天，七早八早就将东西搬去加影。单是把新家打扫干净也用了大家两天的时间。第二天因为有一些事情要搞并没有帮上任何忙的，少少惭愧tim~~~
其实，很喜欢新家的感觉。。。也许自己的家很乱，又窄，所以在新家睡了一晚后，真的由衷觉得‘这样才有家的感觉’。然后，星期天再带父母到新家过目过目，起码让他们相信，就算住在外面，我还是会把自己carry得很好，那他们才会放一百个心，不会再反对我在外面生活。

绕回主题，‘幸福’。刚刚看了朋友的blog，说着关于幸福的事。。。也许自己一直都在忙吧！忙学业，忙考试，final一完又开始做工了，真的都没挪出一点点的时间让自己真正的休息，也没想想‘幸福’这回事。还好在这个短短的假期总算有去了penang一趟。

认真想一想，其实我要得幸福还不是一样简单。。。
~肚子饿了，有碗‘辛辣’面。。。
~下雨天，就躲在被窝里睡觉。。。
~大热天，来个冰淇淋。。。
~闷了，就去游个泳。。。
n etc....哈哈，这样看来我做人还真的没什么要求的~

这样写意的生活要达成其实真的一点都不难。吃冰淇淋很难吗？睡觉也这样难meh?你看吧，要幸福其实都不难。
重点是自己如何把幸福定位，还有看你自己有没有发现。。。

今天的我挺幸福的，因为今天我睡到自然醒，还赖了半个小时的床，呆在家又有妈妈煮的菜，很幸福对吧！

说到冰淇淋，等下就去麦当劳吃他们家的香草口味冰淇淋。。。:]

希望可以带着这样的信念一直走下去，生活才会开心^^

changes

#when u realize there's ntg can be cherished in ur life, then life isnt a life anymore.....#

Was meeting wiv my 'bro' yesterday n had a reli long and deep talk wiv him....suddenly the conversation made me think....am i on the right path?again the question pop out in my mind...

Well, after analyzing, i shudnt be worried actually. As compared 2 my precious life, this isnt making a prob for me anymore. Well, i'm studying the course i'm interested wiv which is forensic science, eventhough some subjects like Forensics IT killing me enough...(i still hav half of stack of notes which i haven touch n final is on next week!!!)However, i can c my future maybe 3 or 4 years later...No doubt, forensics scientist would be my first choice after i grad, n i believe all of us will get into that area as not much fresh grad from this course so far, less competitors, haha....

Wad was annoyed me was, am i reli gain 'anything' in my life?

Meeting after one year, he said i hav changed, not in a gd way, sadly to say....ok, besides physically 'gain weight'( my colleague once thought i'm pregnant!!!), mentally maybe knowledge regarding Forensics. However, inner beauty seems like nvr gain. Honestly, it's quite saddening when i heard this. Because i care very much how and the way people look at me, think about me n feel me. To make things clear, meaning standard has droped!! OMG!!i nvr realized it pun!!

So now, starting to gain something which i've been missing for one year.....such as??leadership(maybe), soft-skills, inner beauty(shud hav gain more knowledge regarding life than the solid knowledge we used to gain), physically as well (i muz get my weight back to normal, n try to be more girlish as i can be quite 'boy' n 'rude' sometimes)....wad else?errr, shud hav get one day n think about it seriously.....

I dunwan keeps on stepping on the same place, i muz move forward~~~