the moment~

感觉，还真的是一瞬间的事情~~
很开心，不需要用那些勉强人的借口，最终还是放手，这个才叫真正的放下~~

生活加油！！

前天去了云顶，做了些疯狂的事，开心延续到今天~~
偶尔抛开一切疯一天，原来也是mentally的一种休息~

生活再加油！^^

陷在回忆里面~

不要知道答案，是不是更好~
老早作了选择，但为什么知道后却那么伤心~
回忆涌现，开始到结束原来不曾模糊过~
结局只是让我觉得那么的可惜~
‘它’不曾在我身边逗留过~
我的另一扇窗呢？
我想是上面的太忙碌了吧~
我的小case被他们丢进waiting list了～
＝（

movies~

最近一直都在ppstream翻回旧片来看~
以前都喜欢看周星驰的搞笑片，现在这类型的片却打动不了我，反而以前怎么看也看不明的文艺片让我深陷了。

记得最先接触的是《星语心愿》和《心动》，也是n年前的事了。。。
过后有一排都没看这种两小时的电影，反而追看连续剧~
后来有了ppstream，无聊时就会翻旧片看~
还真的发现了不少宝~
刚看完《如果。爱》，看完后，没话说~
我想，‘没话说’的定义是一种境界，没有得评论，是太好了吗？
演得太细腻了。一个拥抱，一个眼神，一滴眼泪，一句简短对白，都说进心坎里~



~永远爱你的，是你自己~

~现实的诱惑vs爱情的？？（我也想不到要放什么）。。。现实说：‘爱能喂饱你吗？’；爱情说：‘我以为有爱就够了？’。

好一个‘以为’，是‘疑问’？还是‘反问’？

~爱情里面，会找到‘复仇’，但往往伤害了曾经让你心碎的人后，才发现自己还是以前的自己，那个不忍心把对方伤害的自己~多傻啊！

另一部让我‘哇’的，就是‘色戒’。。。无可否认，床戏是个卖点。

令我印象深刻的，是汤唯说了一句：‘三年前你可以的，为什么不？’~

~《黑皮书》，让你知道，不能全相信你所看到与听到的，外面的世界是险恶的可以~这部戏不能说十分精彩，但它就是会让你静静地看完~

~《傲慢与偏见》，我也不晓得为什么会放这上来，因为看完了也没有很明。还有，它是第一部看着字幕也不是很懂的戏，用词很深。我觉得需要再找一天好好看过一遍，再慢慢消化，应该会很累人的~

~无可否认，setting很美，就像《断背山》的setting一样~

其实还后很多不错的片子，个人推荐《画皮》，《花木兰》。故事围绕的莫过于爱情，但我觉得它好看是因为。。。它们就好像实实在在，发生在我们四周一样~

first step always the hardest~

Y am i sad??
Y am i so k about it??
By the time i've got no rights to do, to feel anything of it!!!
Can it fade faster??
SHIT!!!!!
I'm juz ntg....=(
God, plz stop fooling around wiv me anymore....
my heart can no longer withstand the feeling of heartache everytime when i c something dat i dun wish too...
Conclusion, i know i'm the one who is always psycho about that, so shud i said i deserved it?? deserved for being so kepo?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
thought i've decided n hav the determination in doing it, somehow first step always the hardest~~=(


ok, i'm not happy after all.......=(

braced~~

Finally, finally my dream has come true where i've got my braces done....well, it's kinda funny as i categorized it as my dream~~~haha, YES!!it is my dream, juz that i wasnt dare enough to brace since i was young coz i scare to extract my teeth, i scare the anaesthetic injection!!!until one day where one of my pt dance teacher tease on my teeth, so i decided to brace~~~scared no more!!

So, i was lucky enough to get into UKM n become their student coz we always hav the privileged to get the free services, and bracing the teeth is one of it.....

After deciding to brace, i've go register at FGG and get a general check-up first, then screening.....and wait for next appointment......

I remember the doctor asked me:'Do u mind waiting for few months to get ur braces?','Of coz i dun mind'....(o.s: it would be better if we can start immediately...=.=)ok, sooooo....the few months he means actually is 12 months until i got the call from my orthodontist-on-trained......OMG, i'm sooo happy to get that calll, finally my dream is one step nearer........

First thing before i got my braces was putting separator.......n i accidentally swallow it together wiv my MCD fillet-o-fish burger after putting it for 3 weeks...n i only realized i swallowed it when i'm watching AVATAR coz i can feel the pain.......=.=*fainted*

Second thing, which is the most scary for me, is teeth extraction....i've extracted 4 teeths within 3 days...i nvr knew i can do this...n wad i wan to comment here is, anaesthetic injection reli reli reli reli FU*KING PAIN PAIN PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK, done wiv extraction.....i was happy coz finally i can get my braces few days later.....n sarcastic-cally, the path to get my braces was actually tough...coz while waiting for bracing that day, FGG has blackout for few times....n doctor once told me if the electricity still do no recover by 11.45am, then the appointment has to be cancelled....by the time, it was already 11.15am.......God knows how hard i pray juz to get back the electricity.....HELO, i skipped all my monday classes juz to get the things done on my teeth~~~n thanks God He heard my prayers....the electricity has OKAY at 11.25am, fiu... risky though........so at last i manage to get my braces happily...........

And now edi 3rd day of bracing, n i hav eaten porridge for 3 days.....but still not reli can c the movement of my teeth coz i hav grew older, age of 21 consider quite old to get brace edi....so doctor asked me to be patient to c the result...Gum recovery slow down already wad.....

Well, i think the next challenge i hav to face is another anaesthetic injection which i hate the most....coz i need to put screw to locate my molar teeth so that it wont move forward instead the front teeth hav to move backward....argh!!i juz cant imagine wad will happen to my delicate gum...put a screw on it...somebody tell me it's not pain at all plz~~~@.@

Neway, despite of all the painful experince, i hav finally get my braces, shud hav happy n be grateful for it........so i shud hav smile~~~but not wide, ulceration will start soon if i move my lips tooo much......

So, hav u smile today???i hav~~~~^^



~hehehehhehe..............*doink*

无奈-ing~

待会儿就要回到加影了~
开始新的一个学期~
其实，并没有很期待~
没有特别开心，也没有特别伤心~
特别无奈倒是有一点点的~

什么咚咚在作祟啊？
结束开始，从来都由不到我们来作主~
所以呢~
还是乖乖收拾心情，迎接即将来临的新挑战吧~

本人还是比较期待一月四日，套上牙套的那一天，如果一切都顺利的话~
那个对我来说，才比较像一个新的开始~
开始我的牙套生活~

现在，好好享受当下吧~

前进，还是后退~~

我又回来了，不好意思，又要blog些不开心的东西，因为除了生日那天，我都好像没开心过了。。。

这几天开始会烦，开始会胡思乱想，开始会有负面想法。。。
朋友问我又发生什么事情了，我说我们就是什么都没发生。。。
开始发现自己越陷越深了，怎么办？
该继续这样下去？还是该减少联络，减少见面，放自己的心一条生路？
为什么要放弃？因为当你不知道你喜欢的人在想什么时，完全sense不到他对你怎样时，但表面上又好像很close时，那种像下一步就会踩到地雷的感觉一点都不好受。。。唯有立即逃离，不然最后被炸得粉身碎骨，我能怨谁？
开口？难道我没想过吗？但没把握的事我是不会做的。。。你说我自卑也好，怕死也好，我都不管，我就是怕死！！怎样！！怎样！！

那种感觉又回来了。。。谁说暗恋也是一种幸福？bullshit!!!!

已经做了最坏的心理准备，就是，在我什么都没做的情况下，我会失去他。。。

我就是没胆。。。我承认。。。

为了一个你喜欢，但他不知道自己喜欢他的人，伤心是难免的，但不是应该~

random update~~

back back back!!!!finally~~~~

Finally finish my final, it was sux, that's wad i can comment....first time feeeeeel dat stress u know...n finally i understand y some mahasiswa and mahasiswi will commit suicide~~~but still it has over.....yippie!!!!!

well, start working at klcc, selling RENE FURTERER, a hair care product from France....once think dat need to work, one word>>>SIEN...maybe instead of feeling sien sien dei, i shud hav learn to make my life more colourful......

Fortunately, i still manage to get some rest b4 starting to work....went back to hometown to accompany my grandparents....went movie, 2012 wiv my physio fren n overnight at their place....then went a late night movie<> with den.....these two movies makes me learn to appreciate wad we hav currently, but not to demand too much, u'll need to pay more than wad u demand.....n 2012 not bad a movie also.....i wonder if or earth will turn out like that in the future 2 years....well, God decides this....

N one more pleasant thing, hehe, if everything goes well, 1st of dec will start to wear a seperator on my teeth, n after few weeks i can start my bracing....huhu..so excited once think about it....may everything goes well then....coz i've waited for one year plus.....*whee*^^

work work work later!!!!!!!!!>.<

away~~~

huhu, i'm here to bid a transient gdbye............yyy???
becoz....
becoz.................
i'll be having final next week until almost mid of nov............urgh!!!!
this sem final is totally a nightmare for me~~~

well, pharmacology make me sick for memorising all the drugs, their MOA and side effects.....reli headache with this.......
Chemistry n its 'derivatives' wakakaka..........make me look stupid!!!
sigh...

Conclusion, break both legs for myself n to frens who r having exam also....

Jia You, Jia You.........JIA YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

^^

i'm scared!!!!!!!!!down~~~

Now is 2.00am, n yes, i juz finished my mcd filet-o-fish set....tml 9.00am dance practice again, i supposed right on my bed now instead of blogging~~~BUT!! BUT!! I REALLY NEED A WAY OUT!!!!

I shouldnt be complained here as i was willing to join this n dance all 6 dances at the first place, neway, i juz wanna say it out to make myself feel better.......

Practised for 2 days (whole day) continuously.....n finally we ALMOST completed all 6 dances....juz need to polish up all the movement...n we only left ONE WEEK for performance.....n seriously, our dance, none of one can move to the stage........First time i feel so stress!!!!!!!

Today being the first time we do a full run on dance without drama....ya, non-stop, after 1st dance continue wiv 2nd dance...the outcome of 6 dances, terrible+horrible+vegetable!!!!!
i knew all the main campus dancers din mentally prepared for the following dance as we reli reli tired as in physically n mentally......Thank God teacher din reli scold us as they knew we r tired too n we juz finish all the movement by yesterday n today, not reli familiar completely wiv all the movement yet....they juz wanna c how well we can handle if anything happen on stage....

First time i saw my dancemates blurred until ask us where she supposed to stand,
First time i saw my dancemates blank until ask us wad's the dance all about...(by the time we all finish choreograph the dance edi),
First time i found myself reach the place but dunno wad movement to start...
First time i found myself langsung blank for the next movement like we nvr did b4......
First time i found our dance sooooooooo CHAOS!!!!
First time i found we r not sure wiv our movement.....
I hav lost confidence seriously....:(

All of these mistakes can no longer appear in practice or rehearsal right 1-week b4 of performance!!!!!!
I felt sorry to teacher coz i did reli badly for all the 6 dances....
i din mentally prepared, i'm not alert.......
sigh, this time i reli reli feel that i got no confidence in handling each dance....:(

B4 start the first dance, i reli can feel my heart beat faster, first time i feel that like i'm getting heart attack u know~~

Well, treat today as an experience.....i reli hope dat the next rehearsal, all the dancers can dance better, cannot worse than this time seriously.....

GOD!!!!!!!giv all the pt-30 dancers power for one week plus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!only one week plus plz~~~~~~~~~~~all of us must dance till finish the performance........

JIA YOU EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hypnotise myself that my body, my muscle isnt pain, (eventhought it is, doubt if tml can move or not)
hypnotise myself that my skin is not itchy........(THANKS to fungus infection, now even my armpit also kena edi...........super duper pain man!!!!!!!!!!)
hypnotise myself i'm not tired, i'm awaken, i can memo all the movement, i can dance it all out wiv the right feel!!!!
hypnotise myself wiv everything that can aid me in dancing~~~~

I DUN FEEL PAIN N ITCHY~~~

finish, sleep!!!!!!!!nite nite everyone!!!

when i'm back to KL....

Finally, finally i manage to get myself to my bloggie again.....huhu, having raya break now, n i'm at KL now, super happy!!!!it's been ages i din go home.....feel so gd!!!n of coz, once i get myself back, non-stop outing.....lolz....wiv all my kaki......hahaha......
Friday night went to TS for bowling session, as usual, i broke my nails....n thanks to nic for treat us red wine......congratz for getting 1st runner up for ur logo designing ya....hahaha...

~obviously i'm lil bit drunk, after 4 of us, or i shud say 3 of us as kah yan not reli drink, finish the red wine......

The second day at KL, attended my cousin's wedding, far relatives la, i nvr c my cousin pun......no photos available, sorry......:p

Third day at KL, went out for movie 'Final Destination 4' wiv denson....n celebrate his birthday as well........opps, no photo as well, aiks, shud take one wiv him, such a memorable day....lolz.....

Well, 3 days gone like that......tml seriously need to study edi.....all the notes stack like!!!urgh!!!!hate it!!!!

2 days more gotta back to kajang again, so fast......i juz saw my parents for 1 day....they r all now in perak, left me n my bros~~~miss them so much~~~:(

N ya, before i forgot, SELAMAT HARI RAYA for those muslim, may all of u hav an unforgettable celebration wiv ur loved ones...n HAPPY HOLIDAYS for those non-muslims ya...^^ciaouzzz~~

bz like a bumblebee~~

hey guys out there, sorry for the lack update coz the owner is super bz wiv her life recently....
of coz not reli happening one.......sigh, wad u expect a uni student life would be??
well, cant runaway from tutorials n lectures class.......n the things that reli stressed me out is the ongoing mid-sem test and the PT dancing stuff....well, mid-sem is being dragged for 3 weeks which is a nighmare for me..sigh, juz let me die faster would be better.....
Then dancing also crash 99 wiv my mid-sem......sigh.......but luckily i hav mentally prepared since the day i enter the dancing.......so, so far i still can withstand de.....juz cut down my outing will do, less napping......muz fully utilised my time.....

anyhow, sometimes u'll think that bz life is gd, where u dun hav much time to think all those non-sense stuff.....

Jia you jia you~~~^^

Stay strong Brother!!!

~This pic was grabbed from nic's blog. I supposed this is the pic that he wanted to send to me juz mms problem make me cant receive any.

Brother current condition. Thank God that he managed to live thru the critical 48 hours~~somwhow he looks very weak........i heard nic said he's hardly to breath also......Sigh, all of us cant do anything, we juz can pray as hard as we can, hopefully our prayers will accompany Brother throughout his tough moments...

Brother Lawrence, God will be with u, we'll be with u, Johannians' will be with u, all our prayers will be with u.......stay strong!

emo-talk: this is life, where everyone muz go thru death.....sometimes u'll wonder y God makes us but eventually we'll leave also? Coz God wan us learn from this dynamic world which lived with all sorts of ppl......He wants us to lose our beloved, and we learn to appreciate; He wants us to fall from the peak, and we learn to become stronger; He lets us go through lots of obstacles, becoz He wants us to be learnt...God loves us, but He wont giv us wad we WANT, but He will giv us wad we NEED, to make our life complete....Be gd, coz God is walking wiv us~~

心态的调整

学会用‘心态的调整’运用在舞蹈上，为什么到现在才发现在生活里我都没运用到呢？

或许，换个方式过生活，会让自己快乐一点~

不要理所当然的可以，不要为了去做而做~

我想这样子，任何方面，都会少了一些执著吧！

*最近的情绪敏感的可以，心情晃得很厉害~我真的真的真的超级超级讨厌荷尔蒙失调！！！*

*接下来的日子，练舞，练舞，再练舞~~肌肉还没痛完隔天又要拉筋。。。不过痛得甘愿，因为我喜欢contemp。。。。什么是contemp?看看以上的照片就知道了。有人形容它是一种‘看不明白’的舞。。。要将contemp跳好，难度很高~很开心这次的PT又学了一些新东西，舞步也明显的比起去年难。。。加油，一定可以的~~舞蹈可以，生活也一定可以~

Post reply~

If my doctor told me i hav only left 48 hours or less than 48 hours to live......
I may cry, as i know i'm going to leave this world in no time.....
I no longer can do things as usual in this world.....
I'll use the remaining the 48 or maybe less than 48 hours to tell ppl around me how much i love them.....
I love my parents for giving the chance to me for seeing this world...
I love my siblings and friends for accompanying throghout my life.......
I love my lover for letting me learnt in love......
I love my enemy for hurting me enuf n let me grow stronger.....
I love everything i can, i wish....
I wish to hold my breath to accomplish things i wan n i need to in order to make my life complete.

However, now God is asking me to go back to Him, i got no choice but follow....
I believe God thinks that this is the right time for me to wrap up my life....
n i do believe i hav no regret in living, coz i respect n believe in God's decision....

I'll just close my eyes, breath the last breath,
and leave with dignity......

*earth is the place where we learn n shape our attitude......after completing, we hav to move on to another dimension of world to proceed our life..........live our death~*


~i would never forgot early in the morning i saw him walking on the balcony in white with his walking stick, n whenever i pass by i'll greet :"Good morning Brother Lawrence" in a very nice accent and he will reply me in a very gd way either...
~I remember nick told me i can drop by ur room and talk to you regarding life as for a person who hav live ur life more than half a decade, ur speech definitely will inspire me, n give me more inspiration and momentum to continue my journey in my life...
~I respect ur spirit for serving St.John's all these while....i respect your nobility....
~Fide et labore, always n always.......
~ur image would nvr abolished in our hearts, all the Johannian's heart....

*Praying hard for u, Brother Lawrence.....

蓝

喜欢和拥有真的不能并存吗？

学习活在感觉里~

每一次读一炉米的文章，每一次都很有感觉。。。而每一次感觉来到，才发现自己其实当了机械人好久好久~~

发现，很少和自己对话~
发现，理智多过感性~

是不是科学读得太多？那些理所当然的方程式总是充斥脑海里的每一个角落~心，很理所当然地砰跳着，却忘了砰跳的理由~
很多东西是理所当然到让粗心的人类忘了最初的理由。。。

或许应该要信仰些什么，还是寄托些什么，心才不会散掉。。。
又或许，没做自己喜欢的事情太久了，所以渐渐忘记自己真正要的是什么~
原来东西搁着太久，多重要都好，都会变得不重要。。。
所以，有些东西真得不能等太久，会累~

现在，想要慢慢找回以前的自己。。。
通往终点的唯一一条路，
就是学习活在感觉里~

my past few weeks~~~

Wow, i can c fungus is growing everywhere in my bloggie...well, coz lately ntg reli special events occur....so like no point updating....neway, there is still some stories to share for my past few weeks de~~n also yesterday...hahaha....

well well, last week went back to kl home after having pharmacology in fac kl....as my nanny visited to kl, so went back teman her for few days......n of coz wanna get my hair dyed, so need my mom's help.....

n there is another event on saturday, which is carris's convo.....b'coz her parents cant attend it, so she invited me n chai instead....


~this is the bouquet we bought for carris....

~chai n i..........

actually the event quite bored....most of the time i juz sit there playing wiv chai's slr camera...man!!!juz feeling like wanna get myself a slr camera.....but so expensive, for me la...cheapest also 1k plus, juz for the body, not included the lens, if not mistaken....sometimes, the beautiful moments wont last as we wished, so only camera can do the job...the keep the virtual feeling last~~~ok, my next target, a slr camera~~~

Met my f6 senior in the convo, met andrea.....and the remaining time was used to take pictures.......After that, i went to setapak find ji han n boon wee they all again...ntg much, juz chating, miss my frens in kl........today supposed hav one pharmacology class at kl, somehow all classes in kl hav been cancelled due to H1N1 flu, n my ex-college, KTSN was being quarantined for 3 days as few students were infected wiv the flu, until yesterday only free again.....

hopefully they will recover asap....*finger-crossing*.......

Hehe, then this week i hav attended my uni New Tune workshop........finally i get myself in as member...hopefully after this i can fulfil my wish, sing my lungs out, hahhaha....i want to paint my 2nd year in ukm in a more colourful way b4 i back to KL during 3rd year...kl campus is all about study, mostly....i dunwan buried under all the text books, it's not my type~~~

And and, hehehhe, yesterday manage to go out breath n shop for the things i want....it's been ages i din shop, budgetly....hahhaha........n after 3 hours lab, me n my housemate went to cheras selatan, jusco......

~this is the dress i wish to buy, however, even the new one has lots of deformed....although i like it very very very much but i think with the condition, it's not worth the price.....so i 'ren tong' giv up the dress, sigh, i believe i'll meet a better dress next time....well, the dress looks rather odd in the pic...but in reality it's nice....

There gone my thursday....haha.....well, today stay at home.....study!!!!!2nd year is tougher a lot more than wad i imagined........so many new things..........n 8 major papers......chemistry is killing me!!!!i prefer pharmacology 'more more sheng'!!!

偶像剧

终于，我用了三天煲完总共有二十一集的败犬女王。三天，我就哭了三次。最近哭点很低，一点点感动就会哭。哎，谁叫戏里的两位男主角都这么伟大，甘愿将心爱的女人让给情敌。台湾偶像剧就是那么庐，到最后还不是走在一起。。。

这次是第一次看偶像剧然后得到一些启发。那就是，与其抱怨身边的种种的不是，倒不如采取实际行动来解决那些问题。很管用的一句话，也可以间接地提高个人涵养。真的是很不错的一部戏，大家可以看看。^^

看完了偶像剧，结下来就要忙课业，忙国大中秋了。好开心噢，这一次又再次当舞蹈员。希望今年会比去年学到更多。加油加油!^^

finally manage to on9!!!

After N years......i manage to on9 again.......thanks to P1WiMax!!!!!

2nd year life sux!!!!!!!!!!!!!!especially polymer chem~~~~langsung dunno wad is dat....