不晓得是不是那天去了coco banana和姐妹们club了后,第二天七早八早又到系友家拜年,不够睡的缘故,昨晚睡了整整十个小时,头还是疼疼的。。。
觉得最近和家人的沟通出现问题,没有两三句就吵架,搞到我都在怀疑是自己有问题吗?没办法,达不到共识,channel不对,说什么,做什么都是错。。。
前几天,跟妈妈吵,昨天,跟爸爸吵。。。加上中午他打来那一通电话,心情变得超烂。。。为什么他又要找上我。。。
晚上睡觉前,听着手机播放着的歌。。。听着的都是催泪情歌。。。
听着‘不许哭’,泪水在眼睑边缘打滚了。。。
听着‘我不想忘记你’,那句‘我在用想念 狂欢寂寞’,加上之后的歌词,泪水就止不住了。。。
为什么会哭?
我承认有一部分是因为他,但很大部分是因为家人的关系。。。
总觉得大家都不明白对方。。。
竟然想second year快点到来,想搬到远一点,不然又被他们说我不爱回家,宿舍有这样好住吗?
但他们不明白我那段时间很忙,几乎每天都在练舞,周末也有练舞,不然就是相关活动,他们以为我想不回家吗?
也许在他们眼中21岁没有很大。。。但我希望他们了解一个21岁的女生需要的是什么?
我希望他们了解,我需要自由,我还会向他们保证我会好好照顾自己。。。
我希望他们了解,我需要空间,我还会向他们保证我会回家。。。
但他们不了解。。。
而他们要我了解的,我不了解~
他们要我经济独立。。。
请告诉我,读书期间我要如何分身去打工?
太多太多的意见分岔出现,
我知道大家都很压力,
其实自己也很压力了。。。
我不希望下次会闹翻,然后真的搞到自己不想回家,
因为那时‘家’对我来说,没有特别意义了~
我们的距离被拉远了~~
是我的问题吗?
Friday, January 30, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
CNY AT IPOH~~
Cny is here finally.....actually i'm very excited despite of the arguement i juz had wiv my mom few days back...err, i hav calm down lar~~dun worry...^^
As usual, back to ipoh for celebration...but compared to previous year, dis year de reli sien sial lar~~~thought will back to pantai remis as well to meet with my lovely cousin, how cum the plan spoilt as my dad wan to go back earlier, scare traffic jam wor, kononnya~~sob sob, so sad~~~reli sad ar!!!
'Third day' of lunar calender nia, daddy yell wanna go back to kl edi....=.=...
Neway, first day i went to cameron highlands....but i was trapped in the traffic more than i go walk walk.....thought can visit to the 'boh' tea garden as my aunt said it's very nice....due to the traffic, end up we din go anywhere, but TOILET and some small stalls instead....wanna get some nice nice souvenir for frens oso cant..sorry ar~~sob sob...most of the time juz sit inside the car nia la....so bored.....
then second day went to auntie's place...ntg much actually....chit-chat-eat, then go to jaya jusco....bought something to bring back to hostel de, kakakka, so fast.....hahha.....
Third day eary in the morning>>>>'WAKE UP LE, WANNA GO BACK TO KL EDI!!'
WTF, i not even start enjoy my new year lo....sigh...u c, 3 days juz pass like dat...yer~~~~
Lately not reli got the mood to take lots of photo lar~~~
dat's all i got i i think it's presentable enough de...hahahha...
~on the way to cameron highlands....the sky very nice right?^^
As usual, back to ipoh for celebration...but compared to previous year, dis year de reli sien sial lar~~~thought will back to pantai remis as well to meet with my lovely cousin, how cum the plan spoilt as my dad wan to go back earlier, scare traffic jam wor, kononnya~~sob sob, so sad~~~reli sad ar!!!
'Third day' of lunar calender nia, daddy yell wanna go back to kl edi....=.=...
Neway, first day i went to cameron highlands....but i was trapped in the traffic more than i go walk walk.....thought can visit to the 'boh' tea garden as my aunt said it's very nice....due to the traffic, end up we din go anywhere, but TOILET and some small stalls instead....wanna get some nice nice souvenir for frens oso cant..sorry ar~~sob sob...most of the time juz sit inside the car nia la....so bored.....
then second day went to auntie's place...ntg much actually....chit-chat-eat, then go to jaya jusco....bought something to bring back to hostel de, kakakka, so fast.....hahha.....
Third day eary in the morning>>>>'WAKE UP LE, WANNA GO BACK TO KL EDI!!'
WTF, i not even start enjoy my new year lo....sigh...u c, 3 days juz pass like dat...yer~~~~
Lately not reli got the mood to take lots of photo lar~~~
dat's all i got i i think it's presentable enough de...hahahha...
~on the way to cameron highlands....the sky very nice right?^^
~trap inside the car...the traffic sux!!!luckily daddy bought me some strawberry....dat day only i realised my family members none of them like strawberry, they claimed that it's very sour rather than sweet....err, but i like it so much leh, is LOVE, sorry*, haha....ya, it's sour, after that can taste the sweetness edi, haha, gd, nobody rampas wiv me at least...lolz...:p
~dis one>>>cacat de strawberry..haha, but it's cute....lolz...
~we shut the aircond, n scroll down the car window....it's so windy n cool.....i reli reli so in love with the weather there....skin complexion becum much better after long live at there also....unlike kl, HOT DAO~~~~lolz, the way i wear doesnt look like i liv in malaysia, hahha....~
~nah, dis one ss de....haha....then try to capture some photos wiv ang pau de n send to gor gor at russia there....so kesian him leh, not coming back dis year n reunion wiv his loved ones, so as a mui mui i let him feel some new year 'feel' ba...kakkaka....
Well, that's all for my new year........soooooo blooddyyy de siennn right??
faster recover leh....well, i dont mean that i hav fallen sick, but my mood still very low lately...dunno y~~sigh~~~
Neway, dun 'sigh', 'sigh' anymore, not gd........i wish all of you happy chinese new year, hope u all hav a wonderful n prosperous ox year!!!!GONG XI FATT CHAI~~~:p
Saturday, January 24, 2009
i'm so sad today....
Today, supposed a great family day for me after so long....but she spoilt everything, end up argue on the dinner desk, n got scolded by her seriously.....i dun wan talk to her unless i hav calm down....my new year mood has spoilt by her...guess i wont hav a 'happy' chinese new year dis year.....:'(
Is money so important to her till she can ignore the happiness of a family shud hav??
Y she so stuborn?
i'm trying to talk to her, my bro tried, my dad tried, no use!!
her ears juz as hard as a rock, wont listen to any~~
i reli lazy to talk to her anymore, waste my saliva also....
Y she nvr think r we reli happy wiv the decision she made?
Is she reli know wad we reli wan?
Y she juz so old-fashion n nvr try to understand our mind...
Does she know day by day, our mind distance will get larger?
Does she know we wont take each other in heart anymore if we r not at the same line??
#If money reli so important to u instead of FAMILY,
will u happy if i reli got the ability to earn big money, then every month i juz giv u money, i wont ask about ur condition, i wont chat wiv u, i cum back juz to giv u money n leave, will u HAPPY? Is money reli wad u wan in ur life time only?? dun let money affect our family bond can??#
#do u know whenever u tell me, i'm lazy, i'm troublesome, ask me stay at hostel, dun come back home, i very hurt??#
#bet u would nvr know coz u nvr wanted to know#
#not that i dunwan let u understand, but u nvr open ur heart n giv the chance to ur child to access their mind, so u would nvr understand ur own child#
i reli scared one day if anything happen to me, i wont tell u anymore.....coz i know u will scold me instead of understand my problem.....dat's y there r so many secret between us~~~:(
Is money so important to her till she can ignore the happiness of a family shud hav??
Y she so stuborn?
i'm trying to talk to her, my bro tried, my dad tried, no use!!
her ears juz as hard as a rock, wont listen to any~~
i reli lazy to talk to her anymore, waste my saliva also....
Y she nvr think r we reli happy wiv the decision she made?
Is she reli know wad we reli wan?
Y she juz so old-fashion n nvr try to understand our mind...
Does she know day by day, our mind distance will get larger?
Does she know we wont take each other in heart anymore if we r not at the same line??
#If money reli so important to u instead of FAMILY,
will u happy if i reli got the ability to earn big money, then every month i juz giv u money, i wont ask about ur condition, i wont chat wiv u, i cum back juz to giv u money n leave, will u HAPPY? Is money reli wad u wan in ur life time only?? dun let money affect our family bond can??#
#do u know whenever u tell me, i'm lazy, i'm troublesome, ask me stay at hostel, dun come back home, i very hurt??#
#bet u would nvr know coz u nvr wanted to know#
#not that i dunwan let u understand, but u nvr open ur heart n giv the chance to ur child to access their mind, so u would nvr understand ur own child#
i reli scared one day if anything happen to me, i wont tell u anymore.....coz i know u will scold me instead of understand my problem.....dat's y there r so many secret between us~~~:(
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
平静
虽然最近的生活没有很精彩,但想寻求平静的念头却越来越强。
我指的平静是很抽象的平静,所以不要叫我形容。。。
觉得人生走到一个点之后,就会升华得很快。。。
我是不是老了?
当一切一切都超越不了之前所经历的,那那些所谓超越不了的还有什么意思?
你们明白我在说什么吗?
今天和契哥哥sms了一会儿,问他回来大马后能不能带我到教堂一趟,出发点是抱着一颗想要寻找平静的心。
总觉得神圣的地方是那么的纯洁,宁静,原始,可以短暂性的逃离一切不必要的烦恼,暂时性的找到依靠,寄托。。。
就很想静静地坐在那里,省思。。。还有与神,与自己对话。。。
想一想:如果要上帝爱你,周遭的的人爱你,那首先就要先自爱。。。。自爱,是一个我一直都做不好的地方。。。
我指的平静是很抽象的平静,所以不要叫我形容。。。
觉得人生走到一个点之后,就会升华得很快。。。
我是不是老了?
当一切一切都超越不了之前所经历的,那那些所谓超越不了的还有什么意思?
你们明白我在说什么吗?
今天和契哥哥sms了一会儿,问他回来大马后能不能带我到教堂一趟,出发点是抱着一颗想要寻找平静的心。
总觉得神圣的地方是那么的纯洁,宁静,原始,可以短暂性的逃离一切不必要的烦恼,暂时性的找到依靠,寄托。。。
就很想静静地坐在那里,省思。。。还有与神,与自己对话。。。
想一想:如果要上帝爱你,周遭的的人爱你,那首先就要先自爱。。。。自爱,是一个我一直都做不好的地方。。。
Monday, January 19, 2009
终于
终于忙完一切,但很抱歉,没有任何相关照片与大家分享的。
不晓得为什么,自从上次不小心将手机记忆卡里的照片删除掉后,竟然看开一些事情。
有时,回忆只是仅限于过去。当自己忙起来时,回忆算什么。没有东西是永久的~
相信昨天大家都一定high翻天,但坦白讲,今年参加活动的过程中,很多时候是不开心的,感觉上都是自己一个人,所以只是希望它赶快完成。有,感动还是会有,但就是那么一下子。也许对我来说意义没有很大,所以也没有多大感触,因此也没有什么冲动要拍很多很多照片之类的~
到底怎么了,很讨厌那种感觉。我的直觉是准的吗?还是是我想太多?
哎~~本小姐又病倒了。。。早些前就是发烧,过不久后就泄肚子,刚开始以为是食物中毒,但看了医生,吃完了药,还是泄,泄了整整一个星期,看了第二次医生才懂自己是viral infection。好啦,现在没泄了,但开始感冒了,包了很多云吞噢~真是病猫一个。。。。。
不晓得为什么,自从上次不小心将手机记忆卡里的照片删除掉后,竟然看开一些事情。
有时,回忆只是仅限于过去。当自己忙起来时,回忆算什么。没有东西是永久的~
相信昨天大家都一定high翻天,但坦白讲,今年参加活动的过程中,很多时候是不开心的,感觉上都是自己一个人,所以只是希望它赶快完成。有,感动还是会有,但就是那么一下子。也许对我来说意义没有很大,所以也没有多大感触,因此也没有什么冲动要拍很多很多照片之类的~
到底怎么了,很讨厌那种感觉。我的直觉是准的吗?还是是我想太多?
哎~~本小姐又病倒了。。。早些前就是发烧,过不久后就泄肚子,刚开始以为是食物中毒,但看了医生,吃完了药,还是泄,泄了整整一个星期,看了第二次医生才懂自己是viral infection。好啦,现在没泄了,但开始感冒了,包了很多云吞噢~真是病猫一个。。。。。
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
...
I've been missing in action since last week i think...
haha.....
Well, finish my course night finally~~
it was a wonderful night indeed... will post the photos after i got all ya...hahah...
after that, focus in pap....3 days left~~
besides bz for all this, i also bz rushing to toilet...
i dunno wad happen to my stomach, mild food poisoning i think...
first day stomach reli pain dou~~
plus diarrhea, i spent my morning squading beside the toilet bowl...
cannot tahan till hav to enter 'accident and emergency' n get an injection...
today edi 4th day, but still i feel intestine discomfort....
the most important is i cant eat all the delicious fd.....
i only can eat all the soup noodles, so sien~~
haha.....
Well, finish my course night finally~~
it was a wonderful night indeed... will post the photos after i got all ya...hahah...
after that, focus in pap....3 days left~~
besides bz for all this, i also bz rushing to toilet...
i dunno wad happen to my stomach, mild food poisoning i think...
first day stomach reli pain dou~~
plus diarrhea, i spent my morning squading beside the toilet bowl...
cannot tahan till hav to enter 'accident and emergency' n get an injection...
today edi 4th day, but still i feel intestine discomfort....
the most important is i cant eat all the delicious fd.....
i only can eat all the soup noodles, so sien~~
Friday, January 09, 2009
title-less
Finally, i hav back again to my bloggie~~~
Not reli hav story to be shared here, blog maybe juz to maintain my 'existance', how sad it is...when there is no special occasion to blog about...
Still bz-ing for PAP n course night stuff......For PAP, i've got the chance to join their mv shooting n recording, so bloody fun!!!!hahahha......i'm so excited n cant wait to c the outcome~~~*peace*
N i hav officially start my lecture class this week.....assignments start coming in....Well, this sem i hav the courage to take up PUBLIC SPEAKING dis sub. It's a new attempt for me to become a better speaker especially in front of public (i always hav the stage fright)...Well, first class rather bored actually....madam is the one who talking non-stop in front, we r the passive one, sitting there listening to her 'talk', introduction la, hahaha......suddenly i thought of JULIUS YEE from my ex school, he is the BEST PUBLIC SPEAKER i've ever met in my life so far.....He is such eye-catching wiv his clear voice n almost perfect pronunciation, attractive non-verbal communication n etc...like for me, i'm those ppl who easily get bored wiv all the speechs n lectures, n he manage to catch everybody's attention when he is talking in front.... obviously he has put in lots of effort in order to become a public speaker, n this makes him turn out as 1st runner up for public speaking at international level last year.... Whole St.John Institution is proud of him~~^^
And another sub that is reli kiling me is the physical chemistry, as we hav to do all the lecture notes on our own...n as for now, i seriously lack of time to do so, n filter as well as digest every topic that he has assigned us. neway, it's a gd way to teach, or else we juz salin babi buta, our brain would nvr start turning...
Another sub tat can cure insomnia--->>TITAS (something about tamadun islam)wow, dis one i tell u, seriously will fall asleep during his class...the way he talks>>SLOW; the way he teachs>>BORED...urrr~well,maybe i shudnt keeps on complaining, as i might not better than him if i was in his shoes....like very irrespect him nia, haha....but i juz hope that he can be more interesting to make this bored sub a lil bit more fun, or else all the notes will become hypnotic nia~~
Conclusion of the week----->>busy dancing, bz wiv lecture class, n not reli in gd condition....hormonal problem appears again, i hate it so much, make me look so dull n cham~~~*suicide*
Not reli hav story to be shared here, blog maybe juz to maintain my 'existance', how sad it is...when there is no special occasion to blog about...
Still bz-ing for PAP n course night stuff......For PAP, i've got the chance to join their mv shooting n recording, so bloody fun!!!!hahahha......i'm so excited n cant wait to c the outcome~~~*peace*
N i hav officially start my lecture class this week.....assignments start coming in....Well, this sem i hav the courage to take up PUBLIC SPEAKING dis sub. It's a new attempt for me to become a better speaker especially in front of public (i always hav the stage fright)...Well, first class rather bored actually....madam is the one who talking non-stop in front, we r the passive one, sitting there listening to her 'talk', introduction la, hahaha......suddenly i thought of JULIUS YEE from my ex school, he is the BEST PUBLIC SPEAKER i've ever met in my life so far.....He is such eye-catching wiv his clear voice n almost perfect pronunciation, attractive non-verbal communication n etc...like for me, i'm those ppl who easily get bored wiv all the speechs n lectures, n he manage to catch everybody's attention when he is talking in front.... obviously he has put in lots of effort in order to become a public speaker, n this makes him turn out as 1st runner up for public speaking at international level last year.... Whole St.John Institution is proud of him~~^^
And another sub that is reli kiling me is the physical chemistry, as we hav to do all the lecture notes on our own...n as for now, i seriously lack of time to do so, n filter as well as digest every topic that he has assigned us. neway, it's a gd way to teach, or else we juz salin babi buta, our brain would nvr start turning...
Another sub tat can cure insomnia--->>TITAS (something about tamadun islam)wow, dis one i tell u, seriously will fall asleep during his class...the way he talks>>SLOW; the way he teachs>>BORED...urrr~well,maybe i shudnt keeps on complaining, as i might not better than him if i was in his shoes....like very irrespect him nia, haha....but i juz hope that he can be more interesting to make this bored sub a lil bit more fun, or else all the notes will become hypnotic nia~~
Conclusion of the week----->>busy dancing, bz wiv lecture class, n not reli in gd condition....hormonal problem appears again, i hate it so much, make me look so dull n cham~~~*suicide*
Saturday, January 03, 2009
shooting day~
Wow, wad a tiring day.....woke up early in the morning, n went for the PAP mv shooting....my ever first time involve in this kind of activity, it's fun though....hahaha
Went to titiwangsa for several shooting scene, walk here n der, retake n retake in order to get the best scene.....n of coz in the middle we did made lots of fun n cracked lots of jokes....everybody juz non-stop laughing....
~was too bored while waiting for them to finish the shoot....
After that went back to KTSN, our hostel, n finishing the remain one....N it takes us about half day to finish a mv, wow....it's sooooo tiring...
After that, gonna go for dance practice summore, of coz after i take a nap......both course night n PAP.....
Haha, my life juz soooo packed with all kinds of activities lately......n of coz not forget to mention about the marketing operation yesterday...walk along chow kit for half day also......man, exhausting!!!!!!but it's fun la, haha, nice experience......:p
Went to titiwangsa for several shooting scene, walk here n der, retake n retake in order to get the best scene.....n of coz in the middle we did made lots of fun n cracked lots of jokes....everybody juz non-stop laughing....
~was too bored while waiting for them to finish the shoot....
After that went back to KTSN, our hostel, n finishing the remain one....N it takes us about half day to finish a mv, wow....it's sooooo tiring...
After that, gonna go for dance practice summore, of coz after i take a nap......both course night n PAP.....
Haha, my life juz soooo packed with all kinds of activities lately......n of coz not forget to mention about the marketing operation yesterday...walk along chow kit for half day also......man, exhausting!!!!!!but it's fun la, haha, nice experience......:p
Thursday, January 01, 2009
SAY HI TO 2009, BYE TO 2008
Huhu~~~yesterday i was counting down in my hostel....coz not reli feeling like go out.sory to yean they all as i ffk them......
Was cooking drama for the whole night after back from bangi...then eleven something got down from my blok n gather wiv all my coursemate.....hanging around the compund, feel the fresh cool breeze at titiwangsa area.....well, the night sky isnt breathtaking, kl wad...=.=...badly polluted....pity to the nature~~
We r waiting for the moment to pass, welcoming the new year together...we dunno the time exactly...but we look at the sky, the fireworks decorating the night sky indicates that year 2008 has come to an end, n it's time for us to start a brand new life in 2009.....
We look to the direction where KLCC located, coz that's the area we'll c the fireworks....we r ready~~haha......n we also c lots of uni-mates from diff courses like optometry, pharmacy, dentistry, dietatics, nutri, speech therapy, biomedic n of coz forensics. we wish each other happy new year like sial, juz like the hostel left us nia, din consider those who r sleeping, we shout la wei, hahahha.....from our hostel not reli can c the fireworks but can hear the sounds clearly, heart juz feel very itchy la, can hear but cannot c......
After that, we went to cafe n sit together wiv biomedic students, crapping here n der...somebody reli cracks lots of jokes, cool one, lame one, all of us laugh our lungs out~~crapping also consume us roughly 2 hours, when i got back to my room, it's already 2am....sit down n calm myself down, dis is the pure happiness i've been lost, n i'm craving for it so badly before i found it again...a simple joke can make me laugh non-stop.... how many ppl can realize the real meaning of dat??--pure happiness...
NEW YEAR RESOLUTION:
~study well, to be specific, hopefully can get 3.5 n above for my 2nd sem...i muz ganbatte...^^
~hatch the 'egg', i mean our UKM score, still dont get me??haha, simple one, get a bf asap...haha...
~earn money.i dunwan worry for my economic anymore lar~~~
~happy everyday....^^
LASTLY~~~~~HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!WISH U ALL HAV A WONDERFUL AND BLASTING YEAR 2009 AHEAD.....^^
Was cooking drama for the whole night after back from bangi...then eleven something got down from my blok n gather wiv all my coursemate.....hanging around the compund, feel the fresh cool breeze at titiwangsa area.....well, the night sky isnt breathtaking, kl wad...=.=...badly polluted....pity to the nature~~
We r waiting for the moment to pass, welcoming the new year together...we dunno the time exactly...but we look at the sky, the fireworks decorating the night sky indicates that year 2008 has come to an end, n it's time for us to start a brand new life in 2009.....
We look to the direction where KLCC located, coz that's the area we'll c the fireworks....we r ready~~haha......n we also c lots of uni-mates from diff courses like optometry, pharmacy, dentistry, dietatics, nutri, speech therapy, biomedic n of coz forensics. we wish each other happy new year like sial, juz like the hostel left us nia, din consider those who r sleeping, we shout la wei, hahahha.....from our hostel not reli can c the fireworks but can hear the sounds clearly, heart juz feel very itchy la, can hear but cannot c......
After that, we went to cafe n sit together wiv biomedic students, crapping here n der...somebody reli cracks lots of jokes, cool one, lame one, all of us laugh our lungs out~~crapping also consume us roughly 2 hours, when i got back to my room, it's already 2am....sit down n calm myself down, dis is the pure happiness i've been lost, n i'm craving for it so badly before i found it again...a simple joke can make me laugh non-stop.... how many ppl can realize the real meaning of dat??--pure happiness...
NEW YEAR RESOLUTION:
~study well, to be specific, hopefully can get 3.5 n above for my 2nd sem...i muz ganbatte...^^
~hatch the 'egg', i mean our UKM score, still dont get me??haha, simple one, get a bf asap...haha...
~earn money.i dunwan worry for my economic anymore lar~~~
~happy everyday....^^
LASTLY~~~~~HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!WISH U ALL HAV A WONDERFUL AND BLASTING YEAR 2009 AHEAD.....^^
i'm here again~~~
heyyyooo~~~sorry to all the readers for the lack updates as i'm very very seriously bz for the dance practices as i'm running two sides. Course night dancing and Pesta Ang Pau dancing....The time is juz sooo packed for me, everytime after practising the course night contemp dance till half way then i gonna go for PAP pure traditional chinese dance......N hav to skip meal sometimes...neway, sometimes kinda enjoy the process as i luv to dance, well, stress still will attack me occassionally especially for the course night one....
Wish all the PAP members gd luck n thanks to all of them...sorry to den coz i seem like abandone the project le...well, i'm still trying my best....^^
Wish all the PAP members gd luck n thanks to all of them...sorry to den coz i seem like abandone the project le...well, i'm still trying my best....^^
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