Wednesday, April 30, 2008

in the darkness

Juz back from yoga class....Today Irene taught us bridge pose(gong qiao) n head stand....so happy coz both i able to do it, juz the head stand still require more practise as still not that stable yet.Sigh, after i start taking up yoga course, i become lazy edi, coz i nvr practise it at home, juz rely on the centre....cannot, muz hardworking abit....

N i hav decided to take up another new course start from next month, that is jazz dance. Actually modern dance oso not bad, both oso i very like it. Haha, dat means i'll be learning 2 things at the same time, dat is yoga n jazz dance...both at the same day, jazz dance from 4pm-5pm, yoga from 7.30pm-8.30pm....sure very very exhausted....but nvm, i like it....i dun mind spending money on the things i like...i rather spend money learn new things than juz sit at home on9 for the whole day....luckily i still able to fulfil it as i always said dat i wanna learn dancing or yoga after my stpm....^_^

Maybe the incident, i still very down today....b4 irene enter the class, i do some warm up n stretching myself first....in the darkness...i felt dat do it alone in the darkness i can be more concentrate....that's wad the peaceful i wan....looking myself into the mirror wiv the asana, wiv nobody by my side, dat's me, the long lost me....how long i've been missing myself in dis world....

i found back myself....in the darkness....

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

~hurt so bad~

The feeling juz like finish a war from a battle field...n i'm deeply injured.....the ppl who i trusted very much stabbed me from behind....i'm hurt.....

Y ppl from the same boat as me will do dis to me? i thought he will together wiv me n we can cross the river together, somehow he push me down to the deep blue sea n let me bear every single mess that he has caused!!

i'm lost in believe.....dun ask me to trust any single thing around me again....my heart isnt strong, i cant bear anymore.....:'(

:(

发现原来我伤心,想要忘掉一切烦恼时,我会想去club放纵一个晚上。。。
第一次有这样的想法。。。
什么都不要想。。。
只想活在那烟酒弥漫的地方,活在音乐里。。。
如果那天又遇见他,在想,我们会不会就这样ON了?
我现在只想逃避。。。
你们说我小胆也好,懦弱也好,
反正我就是不想睁开眼睛看见这个世界。。。
我一直在往下沉,怎么办?

Monday, April 28, 2008

LEONA LEWIS

Leona Lewis....Man, she's so gd!!!goosebumps raised all over my skin when listening to her song....BRAVO!!!LEONA!!!

Sunday, April 27, 2008

ti-ratana visit today...^_^

9.30a.m. has reached salak south wiv kian hou n seok hui to meet up wiv yun han n his coursemate....BUT, they still in college, will take at least 50 minutes to reach there, so we juz lepak here n der n hav breakfast first....

Finally they hav arrived but i dunno we shud actually meet up at ktm, so we take another walk to go to the ktm station. well met them halfway, so we start our journey after all the ppl hav gathered...so excited actually, kakka....^_^

First, the director, Raj briefed us everything about the orphange first....actually when i saw the first small lil girl who hug me, i've got the strong feeling dat actually we, those who own a perfect n complete family, is a happiness....a happiness dat cant buy wiv anything n cant be replaced...they reli very unlucky n i seriously very sympathy for them....y?coz their parents dunwan them n send them here...n as an innocent kid, they hav to accept the fact dat they cant grow in a complete family, they hav to face everything all alone, n the ppl dat can help them is the ppl wiv no relationship wiv them...how sad was dat...:(

Another sad thing...we hav visited to the baby room as well....the youngest baby oni few months old...coz the baby's mother is an underage teenager, so she sent the baby here....another baby was sent here is becoz her mother got the blue symptoms after giving birth to her...i oso got no idea y they sent their baby here instead of the depression mother...weird!!!one word, they r soo 'ke lian'....Sigh, plz la all the teenagers, use CONDOM or take POSTINOR while having intercourse or after intercourse ok? if dunwan this scene happen, plz spend some money on dat...dun giv birth to a new life then abandon them, they r innocent ok? they need luv juz like everyone do....

After dat we visit to the old folk's home as well....we cleaned the room for them....they r oso another bunch of pity ppl in dis world coz their kids cant spend time wiv them in their late life.... i hope i wont do dat to my parents....Y THEY CAN BREED N TAKING K OF FEW KIDS UNTIL THEIR KIDS GROW UP BUT WE CANT TAKING K OF OUR PARENTS WHEN THEY GREW OLDER?

~while raj briefing us.....

~going up to the baby room.....

~shao xian....all the boys sooo exhausted playing wiv all the kids...they r all juz like monkey climb on my frens' body.....soooo energetic....


~kian hou n the boy....man, dis boy juz like the dai lou...the walking style, the way he talk....n the way he fight...my gdness, if i was his sis, sure beat him 99...ya, i'm fierce, so dun piss me off...

~yun han n one of the them.....lolz, it's tiring rite?i bet playing basket ball oso not dat exhausting....kakakak....^_^....


~me n another 2 kids....they left hand side one actually quite obedient de....oso dunno y i'll meet him here, so kesian....:(



~me n the indian....all the indian kids can speak mandarin fluently....dis kid so damn perasan, keeps on asking me to take his perasan punya photo, kakaka....

~lolz, his perasan photo....he was trying to pose actually...not dat i curi-curi take his photo...lolz...



~fiu, finally, one day had passed. we end up our journey in kl central, mcd...have our lunch+dinner...me n hui....my primary schoolmate till now....13 years or friendship...^_^



~yun han n sharid....took it randomly....


~random pic.....we're all so exhausted n hungry....
Today seriosuly is a very meaningful day for me....even though we do the housechore for them without getting paid, but still we feel contented...dat's wad we call volunteer wad...kakak....i enjoy sitting der n c how they laugh happily when playing wiv each others, becoz this is the chilhood they shud go thru...i enjoy playing badminton wiv the boy, n let him know he got the chance to becum national player one day; i enjoy singing together wiv the girl coz her dream is becuming a singer , n i giv her sum support n encouragement...actually, some of them reli got the potential to becum a very bright person in their future....juz depends how well the manager carry the system n depends on themselves....if they r ratinal enuf n understanding, i believe they will be very bright...coz for me, i'll think dat orphange will be more mature than the normal kids as they r forced to learn to becum more independant compared wiv others, learnt how to take k of ppl dat dun hav any relationship wiv them....sigh, nowadays de kids ar, those very hang fuk dat kind, all r soooo protected, dunno how to do housechore, dunno how to cook, reli wad we called 'flower in the greenhouse', tooooo fully protected, like dat oso not gd de, the level of immune system will drop....
N from their eyes, i got the same signal from each of them, they r soo eager for luv, they need attention, but they couldnt get it....the one we shud blame is the parents...if u nvr thought to breed a child, dun giv birth, pls do the prevention well, n after giving birth, dun abandon them eventhough they r borned imperfect, like retardness, physically disable n so on...coz after u giv birth, it's ur responsibility to bring them up, but not giv to somewhere else the things dat u dunwan, n they all life, not 'things'....how can it be?!
I reli hope that ppl out der, if u reli free n wanted to do some charity, ti-ratana would be a gd place for u to pay a visit, of coz any other similar places will do....if guys out der interested n wish to visit der next time, contact me k?i'll get the details for u guys...^_^
msn/friendster: footprint_cy@hotmail.com











Saturday, April 26, 2008

so so~

Today, went for the audition in cheras. (the audition was sux man!i din fully prepare n got no mood to sing, so mostly i'll fail.n the luck wasnt by my side, coz they has cancelled the training class jor, i cant join the class, plus i got no own transport, lagi susah!!!)

After that while waiting for train, feeling like dunwan to go home....called up some of my frens, but so sad they r not free..so thinking, wer shud i go?reli not in mood today, dun feeling like wanna go home...so conclusion, i hav decided to visit my ex-collegues in the mall.

When the train has reached pwtc, as usual, i walked there....wondering wad will it becum as one of my collegue told me lazo has changed a lot. B4 i reli step into the shop lot, the marcus shouted:'MELODY~~~~', OMG, he scared ppl in the mall dunno me izzit?so damn loud wei!!!

N ya, reli change a lot. my ex-manager, kenny has resigned, the new branch manager currently is Calphen, a very handsome flirty boy. Then cashier has changed to Yvonne instead of the ex-cashier, Lynn, a new sales executive, Anthony....three new faces. Luckily they r all very friendly, especially the manager, keeps on joking around...gd, at least it wont bored others.....y la he nvr come earlier??!!lolz.....

Then jokes around wiv them, lepak here n der, talked to some frens der.....n hav dinner wiv few of them..lepak till about seven something only i willing to go home...wad a moody day....

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

dream or reality?where is the balance point?

Thought can get rid of everything n ready for my audition on dis saturday. Somehow today when singing k wiv ching ju, i hav received jess's sms, telling dat she got an job offer from dis fri to sun, budget rm150 per day, muz work for 3 days, cant skip.

So i start thinking, drop the job, or drop the audition?

I know u guys will doubt, y still i'll think which one to drop?i shud go for singing rite?since singer is my dream, n i've waited for so long, n now there is a chance for me, y am i still dilemma-ing?

Dis is the reason after i hav analysed....
1) i'm jobless now, money apparently for me is quite important.
2) the audition i not sure whether can pass or not.
3) If i'm lucky enuf, pass the audition, i still gotta go for training, dunno for how long b4 i start performing, maximum is 6 months. If no improvement has shown during training, then they will drop u.
4) Even i go for training, n got the permission to perform, i'll sing without getting any paid first by the time i gonna spend for transpot.(lrt n cab for double journey).The reason why is they train me for free, when i sing there i eat n drink for free, so obviously i hav to sing for free. After they think dat i'm qualified oni they will send me here n der, dat time oni get paid, but isnt high though. n transport still self-prepared, furthest gonna sing at klang.(that's wad the singer told me)
5) Public uni will reopen on 30th of june.Obviously my singing career wont last long eventhough i got it...coz for sure i'll further my study.....

Ok, finish!So, dis is life rite?at first it juz seems like so perfectly fit for u, u juz can go for ur dream as ur wish, somehow there is always something will block u in the middle n making u dilemma, dat is reality, stupid idiot reality!!!!

Dream or reality?where is the balance point?

Money reli is the root of all evils.......but the most evil is ppl. coz ppl giv the value to money....chi chung senior, u r right! we r all evil.....:(....wad a sad fact~

Monday, April 21, 2008

happy...^_^

juz now received a phone call from an agent....ya, i sent my profile to him laz few months i think. the position is as a singer...i'm sooooo happy....i've waited for so long n finally he call back le...kakaka, gonna take gd k of my throat, practise my vocal, sing some songs then ON....

sat dat day plz dun get nervous, juz an audution....sing from ur heart, touch the judges....u muz do it k???ganbatte yo melody!!!!^_^

Saturday, April 19, 2008

~crazy poppy'zzzz~

Kakaka, yesterday went clubbing wiv my anata chiling at poppy...we sneaked inside actually coz we only 20, still underage, legal age to enter is 21 for poppy....pity my two girls fren, so long oni can go in coz they r still smaller than us, harder to go in, so how?fake ic lo...hahaha, shhh!!!!

Long time nvr perasan edi...took ermmm, relatively quite many pic i supposed, while waiting for chiling's fren....inside car, cam-whoring like siao.....first time put on fake eyelashes. Man, i luv the effect damn lot....my eyes becum bigger n more obvious in a sudden..of coz wiv my smokey eyes oso, making it more obvious....i'm so in luv wiv my make up dat nite....^_^

~yer, green face ghost...hahahha.....

~I LUV DIS THE MOST!!!AWWW....dunno la, i luv it coz the 'feel'....so nice....k, i know i'm super perasan edi..hahha...sorry k....

~chi ling n i, randomly....


~again we two....:P



~i'm kissing my darling...first knew in f2, darling since f3....heart u a lot....^_^




~ngek ngek, guys out der, dun mess wiv me~





~first time i c my EYES.....I HAV NOTICED UR ATTENDANCE FINALLY, MY DARLING EYES....KAKAKKA.....thanks to fake eyelashes....



~chiling n i, inside poppy's ladies....


~cy n cl....open eyes big big, kakakka....:P....ah dear, happy to club wiv u, so much fun!!!^_^


Club till around 3am,, then going home le...slept for 4 hours then wake up again go working, SUBANG!!!!!so damn far, i hav spend about 45 minutes juz for travelling....then my legs, foot so damn pain, wearing high heels n stand for whole day....sobbing....:'(
Tml gonna stand again....sigh......




Tuesday, April 15, 2008

-no title-

#dang ta xu yao ni shi, shen me li you dou bu shi li you....#

I'm going insane....

I think i'm having PMS rite now...was so sensitive n not reli in mood today.....feeling tired since yesterday......physically n mentally fatigue.......

Wad happen to us?
Am i right by doing dis?
Am i know wad am i, me myself doing rite now?
How is he thinks about me?
How r they think about me?
N how am i think about myself?
Y am i becum like dis?i know i'm not but y?

I'm going insane......
I know i'm torturing myself....
I know the one who let me drown is not him but myself.....

Spare my sat nite for one crazy nite...
I'm getting destroyed by my devil side...
Angel, where r u?u r getting far from me do u know?

Thursday, April 10, 2008

~the old days~

view了整个下午的friendster,从朋友那里找到几张‘想当年’的照片。。。
好怀念那些穿校服的日子。。。后悔当初为什么不拍多一点。。。



~翠颖生日。。。那天我们抛开了spm预考的包袱,痛快地玩了一整天。记得那天看‘童梦奇缘’时,我哭得很惨~


~学校大扫除,大家都忙得不亦乐乎。。。他们都是我七,八年的朋友了,有几个已经有十年了。有些失去了联络,有些少联络,有些每一年还会聚一,两次。。。

~并肩作战了两年的同窗。从winnie那里找到的,很想念很想念她er。。。还有想念很多人啦!有些没什么改变,有些变了一些,而我觉得我和chiling变最多吧!不懂,有些太久没见了,变了我也不懂。


~这个不用画都懂我是哪一个吧!stpm考试的最后一天。这天之后,我真的真的把我的中学生涯走完了,一点也没漏。没后悔进f6,虽然过程真的是百般煎熬。。。
其实view着mei sing的friendster profile时,心中满是感慨,尤其看到她在校园里拍的照片。自己不是照中人,但都很有回忆。真的很想找一天回SJI拍那种很有feel的照片,但我需要到专业人士与器材。sms问了chai,他好像没有那个意思。没关系吧,也不想一直麻烦他。看哪一天又认识到摄影师,再问他有没有兴趣,哈哈!



Sunday, April 06, 2008

lazynessss~~~~

My biological clock has mess up!!!!
sleep at 1a.m in the morning, very early leh.....then wake up 12 noon....
hav my breakfast, help mommy for a while, take bath, then juz lay on my bed read novel till i feel like wanna on9 or wad....
novel can kill me, seriously....juz so addicted once u start reading it....
borrowed 6 mandarin novel from money, n i hav finish 2 within 2 days, now the 3rd one is in progressing.think can finish tonight.....
i very lazy to go out le.......so sien.....travelling alone is very sien.....only my mp3 is accompany me when i'm taking lrt, bus or walk to destination...so lonely.....
tml still wanna go to tropicana there for product training.....man, y soooo far away!!!!
i'm sooooooooo lazy ar!!!!!!!!

~men's talk, all to listen but half to believe~

it's already N times i delete n resave ur number......
eventhough i hav deleted 'u' from my phonebook, but still i cant delete 'u' from my memory n my life....
i nvr knew dat i still can remember ur phone number till now....
i would nvr remember else one's number unless it's very easy to remember...
but y?i hav found one formula to remember ur number, till now, i still remember the formula...
today, ur sms make me smile again........
but i'll always remember that:"men's talk, all to listen but half to believe...."
so, i hav decided,
dis time,
i would nvr resave ur number into my phonebook again,
i wanna forget u,
i know i can do it when u no longer contact me,
i know i can do it when we no longer meet up.....
Thank God u r further from me now....

Friday, April 04, 2008

so sad...

最近爱上类似fashion show那种调调的音乐,感觉很飘,很迷幻。。。给我,再准确点形容这类型的音乐,我觉得‘它很诱惑’会比较贴切。。。

认识Gregorian这首So Sad是两年前的事了。当时学校举行Orientation ball nite,我当了他们的cat-walk老师,哈哈!也找了So Sad这首歌当开场音乐,没记错的话。。。

越简单的音乐,越听得出它的不平凡。。。只有rhythmic bass(主要原素),还有一点点像是clarinet,又好像是萧,(哈哈,hearing并不怎么好)然后加上那诱惑人的vocal,Gregorian的气音很有杀伤力。。。只能说,这首歌,很‘性感’,感觉就像很性感的model在跳着诱人的秀舞在勾引着我。。。

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

~我现在就是很不爽!!!!~

刚刚跟妈妈吵架。告诉她我会学两个瑜伽班。妈的!她反对到一个不行。说什么:“学两个月来zomok?你又不是要做瑜伽老师。。。”他的语气又不是客气那种,是用来骂的。妈的鸡蛋糕,我要做瑜伽老师就不止学两个月,是砸下六千块拿课程了。说什么:“人家都是自己看书学的,需要买师的meh?”,我真的忍无可忍顶回她一句:“没有专业老师教会不懂自己做得对不对,会扭伤的,那时就不止两个月的瑜伽费,又是你们讲这种不用学长久,学几个月有底就行了!!”

这种就是典型的‘人又是他,鬼又是他’,什么都她讲完咯!!!真的气到我哭了,我是真的哭了。跑回房间继续睡觉,然后眼泪是不知觉的一直流。

哭的最主要原因不是因为她不给我学瑜伽,而是不明白为什么我长这样大了,就连我要学什么,做什么他都要干涉。他给意见还不用紧,可是每一次他都是反对我的选择的,每一次都要替我做主,读那里,读什么,硬硬要我读我不喜欢的那个。上次就是那样,忘了为了什么而吵,一气之下回房间,经过爸爸身边时,我丢了一句话:“我想过了,我不要读牙医。”,“zomok?”,“没兴趣,不喜欢不就不要读啦!”。(家人上上下下都要我做有执照的牙医,因为家族生意是历代传下来的手工牙医)。过后就会房间了。。。

有时真的很想会赚多多钱后搬出去一个人住,耳根至少会清静一点。我很讨厌别人nag我,真的很讨厌。如果我是为了一分工,我可以因为你nag我,我放弃那分工,跟钱过不去,我就是敢敢做给你看。。。

我的老妈,我只能讲她是不懂得享受生活。。。他只是明白钱很难赚(我赞成),但是他不明白作为一个女人,要会懂得疼自己。而且万一有什么冬瓜豆腐(touch wood),省下来的钱都用不着咯,好不好!而且我又不是没有存钱,我是有计划的花钱,而且是花在刀口上,又不是买那些‘唔等洗咯也’.生活不是只有做工赚钱的。而且我深信如果那笔钱财神爷注定给你,就算你失业,走路都会给你拾到钱咯!

美好的一天都给他spoilt了,瑜伽照学!我不管!!!!

~lovely morning~

Today, i has started my lovely morning wiv a very healthy lifestyle...

Woke up seven in the morning, then kah yan reached my place at about 7.40am..yaya, we went for jogging dis morning at titiwangsa lake garden....

Long time nvr jog le, feel dat i've grew older, my cardioavascular system oso not as gd as b4 when i was still 'young', kononnya, ahhaha....jog a while, tired, gasped for air, fast walk a while, jog a while, gasped for air.....shud practice more....expand my lung volume, hahahah...

Then we reached at a bridge there, practised some asanas(postures) of hatha yoga....u know, the feeling is soooo damn nice....when u look up upon the sky, the sky is ssoooooo blue, the morning is just so lovely, wow, dat time only u can reli 'touch' the life...the feeling is so strong wer u'll feel dat 'dis is a day, a wonderful day wiv wonderful things around u', dat's the life i wan, a contented life wiv healthy lifestyle....so i told kah yan, next time we shud bring our yoga mat there n practise yoga there, nice environment, fresh air...call me a natural lover, hahahha....^_^

After dat, we went back to our ex-school (puteri titiwangsa) for a while to get our spm n 1119 cert. Met wiv some teachers n chat wiv them for a while. Hey, nick, miss yap n pn.lim you sie very miss u leh, hahahha...u shud go visit them one day...lolz.....

Then, rush home as kah yan still engaged wiv her class later at 11am....n i'm sitting here updating my blog...well, take bath later, think will sleep for a while, watch tv, then yoga again later...hehhe....

Oh ya, specially thanks to my titiwangsa senior, Priscilla, thanks for her introduction....will start my lesson today together wiv kelly at 'Vivace Danz World'...looking forward to that....hope can learn new things....seriously, yoga is very gd for health....u'll look slim without looking so skinny n boney, gd for internal health oso, balance up ur hormonal level, detoxification n etc....anyway, the most important is muz maintain the practice...my new venue of practicing yoga, titiwangsa lake garden...erm, actually any lake garden will do, coz titiwangsa near to my place, hahaha...

Gd day!!!so happy coz i found back my contented life.....^_^