戒不掉

就像毒瘾一样，碰了就戒不掉。。。
就像陷阱一样，跌了就逃不了。。。
就像你一样，存在过就忘不掉。。。
是宿命吗？

假期这么久，昨天惠的一句话就讲进心坎里。。。
每个人都有过去，但为什么今天的我还是背着过去在过活？
惠问的每一个问题，我都很认真思考，然而我给的答案都不是标准该给的。
省思，高尚的人格和卑贱的地位，原来真的只是一线之差。。。
那我是前者，还是后者?

反差太大，为什么单纯的大学生活在假期后就变了样？
以为这四年会帮我重新洗礼，但半年后才发现，
形成了的污点，只能暂时性覆盖，并不能永久性去除的，
就像纹身一样，就算去掉后，那种痛你还是会牢记心里。。。

找不到一个平台，可以真正让我肆无忌惮地说出我要说的。。。
因为我知道，这种心情，真的真的只有走过的人才知道。

#...如果你不曾出现，我会不会觉得快乐一些...#
#...我搞不懂我们到底怎么了...我想不透我们到底怎么了...#
SHE的歌反复播放着，在脑海中。。。

~如果你要上天眷顾你，你就要自爱一点~
刹那间，我开始相信报应这种东西，如果我抢了或破坏了一个比我还单纯的女生的幸福，我就一定不会得到幸福。。。


~如果是外面十五六岁就踏入社会工作的，ok，那个我没话讲；可是你是大学生耶！你有受教育的啊！~
是大学生又怎样，大学生不等于angel。


*其实，原文比现在你们读着的长很多，但我也删了很多。挣扎了很久，我还是选择性的逃避。*

当亲吻的出发点不再是爱时~

~当亲吻的出发点不再是爱时。。。那种关系能维持多久？


今天才发现，
一个女人最没有价值的时候，
不是因为被别人蹂躏，
不是因为被外人诬蔑，
不是因为自己的私生活很糟糕，
而是，
当她开始会可怜自己的时候。。。

outing**

After waiting for soooo long, about half year, finally we manage to do a small gathering......hahaha...


~girls of the day...mei sing, me, see pey n chin chin......

~ms, siong voon n i....

After we hav our lunch, we met up wiv lai mei then went for a movie>>>>>>QUARENTINE....the movie is soooooooo damn nice wei...sooooo scary~~~~i reli shout like hell......n dis movie oso make me wanna think twice for joining CSI next time....haha....

~lai mei n i.....

~then then then, we bump into siva, our chairman for U6Sc4, haha.now chairman, monitor n treasurer all gathered together edi...i was the monitor n mei sing was the treasurer... miss those days when standing in front the class n talk to them.....

~class treasurer n monitor~~

~while waiting for the others, cam-whore first, hahaha....

~they did a small belated celebration for me....thanks to everybody........^^

~making a wish~~i hope my wish will come true.....coz i reli wish it will come true within the next 365 days....

~blow off le ooooo~~~

TADAAA~dat's all for that day, reli happy to hang out wiv them....hopefully ur next outing which we suggest go to waterfall side can on la........hahhaha.....^^

青春这故事，好像怎么写也写不完。。。

When 3 of us together inside our shared bedroom~~~




~younger brother, sleep like hamburger......y?

~coz my youngest brother is watching drama....n it does disturb my younger bro from sleeping....

~while i'm reading this novel.....a novel which i like very much>>BLUE GATE CROSSING...i've watched the drama as well....

Synopsis:

This is all about the love story among 3 teenagers during their high school. Meng Ke Rou and Lin Yue Zhen are very good friend. They shared everything. Lin Yue Zhen has a crush on a very famous guy in their school named Zhang Shi Hao. Yue Zhen always want her bestie, Ke Rou to help her to approach Shi Hao by passing love letter and etc. There is a reason why Ke Rou willing to do everything for Yue Zhen. However, Shi Hou decided to after Ke Rou instead of Yue Zhen. Despite all the hardwork being paid by Shi Hao, Ke Rou nvr felt touch b4, hence, there is no further development among they two. One day, Ke Rou told Shi Hou the main reason she cant fall in love with him is mainly because, the people who she reli loves..... is Yue Zhen.

#the reason y i love dis story so much is because firstly, it's very very true, it makes me fully understood the sentence drama=life. Secondly, maybe i was from girl school, so 'lesbian' dis kind of stuff, i specially got a very strong feeling towards it. It neither correct nor wrong, it's juz a feeling dat u cant deny when u reli reach the stage, then u'll find it's complicated, everything shudnt be like dis, then u started to drown, u started to think that u r odd, u r doing thing that against the nature's law, u cant cross the obstacle within u urself, u felt sorry for this world, u felt sorry for ur family, ur parents, u felt sorry u urself, but.....u cant control~~#

some sentences that i found simple yet meaningful....another higher level of interpreting sentence that everyone can read n understand....here u go~~

#为什么爱会变成一种交换？如果神真的爱世界上的每一个人，那么就不该用交易的方式，让另外一个人忍受某种痛苦，交换一点点时间，一点点爱。#

#他起身看着我，慢慢靠近我，贴进我的脸颊；他懂我是同性恋，但还是不懂放弃。#

#如果，如果你十七岁，你想到的只是，可不可以上大学，要不要再做处男，尿尿可以一直线的话。.......你该是多么幸福的小朋友啊.......#

#从前从前，一个瘦小女孩在墙上哭着写着。。。一个壮硕的男生在墙上忿忿的写着。。。一个百般无聊的眼睛男生在墙上画着。。。。。一个。。。一个。。。。。又一个。。。终于让墙看不到一点原来的白。它哀嚎着，因为背负了太多的喜怒哀乐，就快要撑不住了。#

#青春这故事，好像怎么写也写不完。。。。#

~突然想去一趟 C U THERE。想自私的让那里的墙背负我对他的思念。我不懂那里的墙会不会像<<蓝色大门>>里面的一样倒塌掉，我只知道，心灵负荷不了的思念需要有个出口。。。。

~第一次，我写了:‘祝大家幸福。。。’

~第二次，我写了: ‘祝我幸福。。。’

~第三次，我想写:‘Je t'aime bien...'

Je t'aime bien

潜逃

25/11/08--outing wiv my dear frens....so damn miss u all...another gathering for us after more than half year i think...

4/12/08--depart to perak, my lovely hometown...well, first station will go to pantai remis, then back to taiping, hahhaha.....i wish for a trip to seaside~~

这个对我来说有点漫长的假期里，想来个潜逃。。。

想远离烦嚣的城市。。。

为什么现实的生活都不会和偶像剧交集？
女主角一副美女下凡的样子，骑着脚踏车穿梭在被夕阳西下染色的稻田中，

随后一身阳光气息的男主角从后头赶上，开始一场你追我逐的戏码，

笑声充斥整个原野。。。

一个令人想谈恋爱的季节。。。

那种画面，不难想像吧！看来我某部分的思想还是被偶像剧荼毒着。

好期待可以回perak的时候。。。

那种感觉就像做回没有调味料的自己。

抛下城市的重口味，我还是情钟于淡淡的白开水。

je t'aime bien~~

yesterday~~

想念的心情就像Leona Lewis的Yesterday一样。。。

无聊~

电话还是很安静。。。
除了那天和芝琳外出，昨晚和蔓菱还有嘉雯去‘小树‘喝茶，我就是整天都待在家里。
昨天翻了之前买下的’蓝色大门‘，从头再看一遍。
发现，现在脑袋需要较长的时间消化比较感性的文字。
没法，理科班出身，相较于右脑，左脑还是比较发达。
但有时却希望自己是文人派的，享受生活主义者吧！
一直在发梦往后的日子多美好多美好，却忽略了现在就连基础也扎不稳。
生活吧！过程总是比较辛苦。
上来这里也不懂真正要表达些什么。
只是很无聊。。。
还没有有那个ohm去排course night的舞。
现在好像缺乏某种动力去干任何一件事情似的。



现在，
好想他噢~~

fragile~~~MUZ WATCH!!!

这几天都在you tube里混。打的keyword都是contemporary dance。自己不是科班出身，所以要多多参考。其实真的很烦~但没办法，怎样也是要在12月26号之前呕一支舞出来。
有影像了，但家里却没有够大的地方和一大片落地镜子让我检查movement。
以上那支舞就是我要的感觉~~他们跳得真的超超棒的！！！
我有他们一半就谢天谢地了~~
加油加油!!

生日。。。快乐

很快，365天又过了。

长越大，就越不期待生日的到来。

我知道不是因为自己慢慢变老的事实，

毕竟这个是事实。

何必为了这个而难过。。。

也许，寂寞在作祟吧。。。

朋友都以为今天我会有节目，

其实我什么节目都没有。。。

待在家吧~

24小时，不会很长罢了。。。

没有庆祝，没有蛋糕，

但要一个生日愿望应该不会很过分吧！

不多，一个就好~~

想用另一个365天，

去实现上一个365天没办法做到的事情。。。

原来，有些事情，

用了一年的时间，也是做不到的。。。

#谢谢朋友们的祝福，我都收到了^^#

最期待的那封，终究没有出现在手机屏幕。。。:(

穷啊~~

当了两天的‘废人’，好废噢！真的很废。

事情往往就是这样，做不到工时，那些工就一直找你；当你很想做时，却没有工让你做。

前几个月因为学业而没时间，放掉了总共600++的工作；现在我穷到半死，但我的电话却静得要命。

所以这几天在‘博杀’，拼命send profile。。。

老天爷啊！让我如愿以偿吧~~~

真的很穷很穷了~~~

finished!!!

finish my final FINALLY!!!!!!!!
My sem 1 has ended officially~~~
so fast huh~~~
Now gotta looking for part time job to earn some pocket money~~~
Money ar money~~~i need u urgently.......

happy belated birthday to jen yew~~~~

Today, went jen yew's place to celebrate his belated birthday.lolz, sorry for not celebrating on time due to the final exam....

well, we went for steamboat first....long time nvr been there for steamboat....All of us were so excited taking the food, coz it's somethings like buffet...juz eat as much as u can, wahahhahah~~~

n u know rite...forensics student regardless sex all can eat....at first, i thought we cant finish, but somehow we still manage to finish up everything that we hav taken....i scared tonight i cant sleep due to allergy...i ate quite lots of seafd..prawn, lala, scallop, crabs n lots~~~LOLZ, I WAS JUZ SO BIADAP EATING~~~next time shud get some wad anti-histamine drug b4 eating seafd to prevent itchy-ness...well, thanks den for telling dis, i nvr knew the existance of anti-histamine drug b4 until juz now....

aiyak~~~cant finish upload all the photos, dunno wad's wrong wiv the line again...too slow maybe~~~sien~~~=.=

I only manage to upload some, ya reli SOME nia~~~

~all the forensics girls wiv jen yew..

~forensics boys~~~

~girls wiv his lovely sister.....before leaving...

well, u guys believe or not, now only 10.30pm, i start feeling sleepy edi....*yawning*

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO JEN YEW~~~WISH U ALL THE BEST FOR EVERYTHING N STAY HANDSOME ALWAYS~~KKAKKAKAK^^N THANKS FOR THE TREAT...^^APPRECIATE IT A LOT~~~

&

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO YOON MING AS WELL~~~~WISH U ALL THE BEST ALSO.....N STAY SMART ALWAYS~~~LOLZ, NOT BECAUSE U NOT HANDSOME OK?JUZ WANNA USE DIFF ADJECTIVE TO DESCRIBE U, OR ELSE U SAY ME 'BO XIM', Y THE WISHES SAME WIV JEN YEW DE....HAHAHA...U R HANDSOME, OR ELSE 'SOMEBODY' OSO WONT SAY DAT LA, HAHA, I KNOW U GET WAD I MEAN DE....HMMPP~~CEMBURU BETUL...HAHHAHA...:P

i think this is the second time i blog wiv my short hair photos ba~~~~miss my long hair~~:'(

回温~

昨天pt妈咪拿了之前舞台表演的光碟给我们。

我一回到房里，都不理前几秒钟在褒着的‘尖子攻略’，立刻将热辣辣的光碟insert了进去。

还打算从头看到尾的，哪里知道前面一大堆的致词，我。。。当然skip掉啦。直接拉去我们的舞台表演，那个才是重头戏嘛。^^

两个小时又十七分钟的长度。算了，今晚我拼了，不看完都不睡觉。然而，我十点多就很想睡了，但还是硬撑到接近两点。

看着当时，心中是满满的感触。。。

那个感觉好像真的回到当晚的舞台上，那种感觉真的很真很真，很切实。。。。。

演员们都很棒，赢了不少掌声。有些真的真的很很很入戏，真的每次看了都被他们带入戏的意境内。一个字， PRO~~~~

舞蹈员们虽然没有专业的水准，但我们都是从0开始的。从什么都不会，没有舞蹈底子到一个人可以在短短的两个月handle三支舞，已经很棒了。

其实昨晚睡觉前，回忆又在倒退。。。。。我想起我们一起挨饭盒的时候，从很多个围坐圈圈到一个大大的围坐圈圈；想起一起算拍子，记脚步，记动作的时候；想起一起cue舞的时候；想起一起被骂，所有人被老师丢下，留下一脸错愣的我们；想起偶尔男生们无俚头的时候，还有很多很多的。。。。回忆永远都是最美的吧~

PT家族们，好怀念你们噢~~

舞蹈员们，真的真的很爱你们的~~

biological clock

Ever since my final exam has started, my biological clock has fixed....

Wake up early in the morning, and before 12am sure will go bed....

It's extremely normal till unbelievable.....

y unbelievable?

Coz lots of my frens they study till early in the morning, or dont sleep at all....

Totally reverse from wad i'm doing currently...

Yesterday, around 10pm i already lie on my bed and started to fall asleep.....

10pm man~~~Next time how am i supposed to stay until late night?if i hav some night activity?

But also due to this, i found out actually bed early got lots of benefits.

Firstly, can concentrate more during day time...

Secondly, skin complexion appears fine...

Thirdly, u'll find u got more time to spend within one day, RELATIVELY....

Well, i hope i can maintain it EVERYDAY....errrr, like dis meaning i cant go club or hav some night movies with frens????hahahha, maybe once in a while shud be ok ba....

Hehe, 2 papers left.....happy happy....^^

can you keep a secret?

Yesterday right after i finish watching the movie 'SEX AND THE CITY', i hav the strong urge to blog dis--'CAN U KEEP A SECRET'.

My roommate asked me how was the movie, well, i told her it's juz so so, but it's very true...where four diff type of girls met together n the love story they hav gone through...Every single girl has their own personalities, the way they treat their life, their partner, n wad they reli want.....how true izzit~

But, Y 'CAN U KEEP A SECRET'?haha, i oso dunno y....juz suddenly thought of the novel writte by forgot wad's her name--CAN YOU KEEP A SECRET...i remember the opening was a blast, very impressive...those who interesting can google it or kindly grab one from any bookstore......
well, almost forgotten wad it's all about, coz in between i hav read several novels as well....not reli can recall....n the one which still progressing is 'A Place Called Here'....i hav abandoned it for few months after i enter uni coz i got no time to open it at all...well, i guess it's oredi covered by inches layer of dust.i hope i can finish it within this sem break n return it to money...lolz, i hav owed her dis book too long edi....sorry girl....hahaha....

If u ask me wad's the secret that i kept away from my parents?
--I hav did a navel piercing early of dis year.....
--I was involved in road accident past few years n i bear everything myself...my bank acc bleed seriously....n luckily the motorcyclist still alive after he knocked my 'butt'...YA, IS THE MOTORCYCLIST KNOCKED ME....so the one who injured seriously is him, not me....OMG, he injured on his head n bleed non-stop, got stiched on his head....i was soooo panic dat time....
--n a lot....

If u ask me wad's the secret that i kept away from my siblings?
--errr....cant think of any, coz we always chat together before sleeping, we share everything...^^glad to hav them as my brothers, or else i bet my life would be dull n bored...

If u ask me wad's the secret that i kept away from my frens?
--err...none i think...if got i dun think it's important for them also, as i'll share everything wiv my frens as well...^^

If u ask me wad's the secret that i kept away from everyone?
--that's a lot, uncountable.....hahaha.....

weird right?the person who supposed the closest to you dunno you the most....y huh??

^.^

Finally......i can get on9 again....Well, dunno wad had happen wiv the wireless in my college last few days, cant access to internet at all....luckily today OK edi...lolz....

Well well, 3 more papers to proceed then i can bid gdbye to my first semester.......so faz....>.<

N the study mood seems like fading as time goes by....

Yesterday rite after i finish my Hubungan Etnik paper, i hav cooked 'hong kong' drama-- Moonlight Resonance for 3 hours, after dat watched 'Anaconda 3'>>>'Sex And The City'...Wow, wad a movie day for me....

So today....NO MORE DRAMA, NO MORE MOVIE K???CONCENTRATE IN MY PHYSIOANATOMY.......

I'm looking forward 4 my sem break........hhhahahaa.......

Adiosa~~~^^

hair~~~

sob sob.........i miss my long hair~~~~~~

the feeling of 'missing'...

Hav been staying in hostel for several weeks due to final exam....

OH MAN!!!!!SUX WEI~~~~~

I hope exam can finish as soon as possible....i hope this 4 years can finish as fast as possible....I SUPER DUPER HATE HATE HATE EXAM!!!!!



Well, besides complaining how sux the exam is, i also wanna say that i miss eveything out there~~



~i miss my dancing-mate....they all r having final now, ganbatte~~^^

~i miss my f6 schoolmates, especially all the girls...

~i miss my primary schoolmates, sorry guys, always ffk the yam-cha session...

~i miss my f5 gang....always absent for the gathering...=.=....sorry girls....

~i miss my night activities wiv my anata chi ling, lolz, edi half year we din club together le....

~i miss my family.....

~i miss the foods cooked by my mom....

~i miss my mid-night movies wiv them....

~i miss the seaside...(hopefully end of this year, there will be another family trip to seaside, looking forward to dat)

~i miss cam-whore session with the things around me that i hav missed out eversince i engaged wiv my studies....

~i miss the feeling of 'sayang' by someone...well, kinda lonely of being single tooo long...feeling like wanna get attached asap...lolz, mee yen's room-mate is getting vain now...hahha....jkjk...



i think the most important one is



~i miss the real meaning of LIFE...



It's been long time i din reli treasure the meaning of 'LIFE'....



My ideal life:

#Wake up early in the morning, go jogging at the lake garden nearby, hav a healthy breakfast instead of having cup noodles as breakfast n rush for lecture class...

During leisure time, i hope to do something i like, watching dvd maybe, cook some special cuisine, practise yoga, drawing, n activities that are stress-free instead of sticking my butt on the plastic chair n study...

During night time, swimming(ya, it's the odd habit i hav where love to swim during night time, wow, ages din swim le), watch hong kong drama, hav a night-walk at somewhere nice, to feel the soft-breeze....then hav a reli nice sleep instead of stick my butt again on the chair study till feeling tired n b4 sleeping thinking tml wad time to wake up, if 7am depart from kl, 6.30am wake up ok or not etc.....#



wad about my study n works?well, dat's juz some assumptions if i manage to lead dat kind of stress-free life....i reli think b4 to becum free-lance make up artist, then my life would be more flexible rather than tied down by the official working hours....



i remember eve asked me b4 during my f6:"cy, u born-make-up, but y dun u go into dat field but come to f6?''



cy:"becoz my mom wanted me to do so...she said any how muz grad from uni n get a degree."



well, that time only i realize life always hav its limitation where u cant decide ur future by urself, sometimes...because u r not all alone all these while, u still hav to consider the ppl around u...



Well, 'life' sounds isnt that gd sometimes....



The fact is, my 'life' still floating now, i'm standing on the horn of dilemma...however, i still hav to walk till the end, since i hav chose this path to treasure for my following years...



Process always tough, i know i'm undergoing a critical period now....Hopefully soon i can metamorphose into a better person.......God bless~















missing u