A letter to God

Dear God,

I believe in you, n i know U know me well than myself....
U know wad i need the most n etc....
So, i hav decided to let U to decide for me, the ending of the story....
Regardless wad the result will be, i would not regret...(am i?i doubt...)
I thought i would be strong for this, however, i'm not overall....
sorry for being a coward...
I feel helpless....:(

In a nutshell, i'm not happy after all......not because of anyone, but becoz of myself, the sensitivity within me.......

So near yet so far is all wad i can say....


yours sincerely,
~mel~

剩两张~

终于，还剩个两张paper。有一张满heavy的，但还有六天的时间让我慢慢读。
好期待考完试的那一天。突然觉得好多东西要做酱！
哈哈，其实已经在脑海里计划了。
考完试第一件事，去shopping，败家一下酱~
要为保养品进货，还在考虑到底要转什么牌子，
看了论坛，感觉上The Face Shop好像很不错。
还是继续Kose呢?
要回太平，好久都没回那里了~
要努力工作~

生活好像很乏味酱~~=.=

今天天气很好~

今天天气很好，
天蓝得很透彻，
阳光很和煦，
白色的云朵并列而排，
鸟语花香。
只是还是有一点点热。。。
感觉很夏天~
那种闷热，干燥到你不想做任何东西，
只想爽爽就去冲凉，
不然就趴在床编织一个夏天的故事~


想不傍晚到titiwangsa lake garden跑步一定很赞。。。^^
阳光一样和煦，但就会少了那躁人的闷热~

好想让自己放个长假，
想到郊外来个徒步，
jungle trekking也不错。
又想到海边或瀑布感受一下那沁人心脾的大自然。

好期待考完final的那一天，
虽然今天才第一天。。。
想和姐妹们走街，
想疯狂购物，
想赚钱，
想回家乡。。。

again, i miss every single little things that i have missed so long.....

Angel

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference
Escaping one last time
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

missing my high school frens~~~

well, i supposed studying by right~~~but human tends to get 'sien' when doing something for quite a period of time.....thus, i click here n der, finally i hav reach kelly's blog....viewed back all our memorable photos during f6 n after f6....how fantastic was it~~high school life always sweet~~

let's the photos becum the narrator~~

~during gotong-royong...(upper from left: me, see pey, mei sing; bottom from left: eve, kelly n chin chin)miss u girls a lot eh~~~

~me, kelly, eve n chin chin......if not mistaken, that day we were arranging our seat for stpm in hall.....after that was our cam-whore session...haha...ya, behind dat is my school building, awesome right??u would hardly to c a school wiv this type of architecture....St. John's Institution.

~Hari Anugerah...Candidates who did well in public exam n school exam were attending to receive award. (upper from left: kelly, eve, lai mei; bottom from left: siao huey n i)

~hehe, after receiving award....we went to JJ at cheras sing k n celebrate chin chin's birthday as well......eve, kelly n i.....

~the day we get our stpm result...opps, the sequence is wrong...haha....terbalik wiv the above one, pai se ya.....so happy to meet my girls n school teachers again...me, kelly, chin chin, see pey, eve n mei sing.....i miss them badly....

~after got our result, me, kelly, sean, chai, n jeff went to pavilion n spend our whole day der...^^

was camwhoring in washroom.......hahha.....aiks, miss my long hair tim~~

~sean, jeff, chai, me n kelly.....we were one gang...but seldom meet up recently as each of us bz wiv our own stuff....wad a waste...reli reli wish to hav a trip wiv them....n dear all, i miss our genting trip, remember??i was thinking it back last night, seriously.......

~n this is the recent one, i also got post it in my blog...it was last year dec.....2 days b4 christmas...hahha....me, kelly, shiuan n li jia~~~

~me n kelly dear.....

~kelly, shiuan n i.....

Memories juz flash back in a sudden silently.....

i miss them a lot...

n i do miss my long hair.......ok, keep it long since now~~~

ganbatte to all of them...those who r having exam, working n etc....best of luck in ur future.....

luv u guys~~~muackss~^^

I'M STRESS~~~

urgh!!!!i'm stress!!!!!

Y?

Becoz i realize that my appetite has changed. I used to hold wiv the temptation of junk fd very well. However, i realize i failed to do it since this week?i knew i would non-stop eating start from dis week until i get my final done. aiks, juz keeps on grab the potato chips beside me when i' studying!!!!conclusion>>>>>>>>constipation due to consume too much of heaty fd i think~~

I knew i hav fulled. But still i wanna eat....i juz wan to have something inside my mouth for me to chew~~~n i can feel that my mechanoreceptor n the stretch receptor of my stomach has reach it maximal....can feel the sense of burst if i still continue eating!!!

NO WAY~~~~plz control....coz my weight has gained from 48-51kg!!!!!!!

N, feeling like wanna stop my hormonal medication~~~sigh~~~:(

男人的眼泪

今早被一通电话吵醒，原来是ADI，久违的PJKN营友。他会打来其实没什么奇怪，因为他爽爽就会call来，还试过半夜一两点打给我。这次一开始他告诉我他换号码了，fine。聊了近况，fine。突然，他没在说话了，换来一阵阵的抽泣声，越来越明显。我问他，你是不是在哭？他说女朋友离开他，女朋友变心了。天知道我要懂得事情的来龙去脉是多么困难，因为他在哭着，再来他是马来人，所以是在讲马来文，我真的问了很久才问出个所以来。其实，很多时候我们都没对话。一，我用马来文安慰朋友的说服力不够；二，我知道失恋的人打来的目的就是要哭诉罢了。就让他们哭得够够吧，哭出来他们会舒服点的。

男人啊~有时脆弱的可以，尤其是面对他们深爱的女人的时候。有时觉得被爱情牵着鼻子走的，往往都是曾经是玩世不恭的男人。为什么会是玩世不恭的男人？当一个男人真的遇到他深爱的女人的话，之前多play都好，都会乖乖败倒在她石榴裙下。一心一意只当守护她的男人。是报应之前伤害过女子的心吗？爱情，是不是都是这个模样?

是该说我看透了，还是我都还不了解？就曾经遇过那种烂男人，一边厢拖着正牌女友，不过我不否认他真的很爱很爱她，保护她到无微不至的地步，另一边厢又瞒着正牌女友和别的女人发生性关系，这个算什么？对这种男人，我不会恨他，因为我觉得也许外面majority的男人都是这个pattern了，我只会觉得他很烂。说回那个男人，都不懂要替他的女友高兴因为钓到一个有钱的，还是替她感到伤感因为他的男人其实一直在背叛着他。我敢打包票，这种男人就算和自己最心爱的女人结婚后，给他安分守己个两年，过后在外面一定会有别的女人的。

刚才翻了星洲副刊，看到几句还挺有意思的。

~小时候你最讨厌什么样的人，长大后却成为那样的人，就像我们讨厌第三者，讨厌抽烟的女人，讨厌暧昧对感情不忠，讨厌势力鬼，讨厌明明只是朋友还可以跨越界限等等。。。到最后我们往往成为这样的女人。

以前爸爸在外头有女人，我恨死那个差点把我变成单亲孩子的女人。现在长大了，我还不是当过第三者。纠缠不清的关系长达一年多，但我很清楚明白我没有想要破坏的意思。这种心态又要如何归类？

~我只知愈懂男人的女人愈不敢去爱。

看透了，失去信心了，还会敢吗？也许浸过KL这个大染缸，我知道我只要不小心走错一步棋，我的生活就会变得一塌糊涂。周遭有太多太多诱惑着人的offer，只是看你把自己的价值摆在哪里。

我们都会说，女人啊~不值得为了一个不爱你的男人而流泪。。。

男人何尝不是？你们的眼泪也不值得为了一个放弃你们的女人而决堤。

很早的时候，大家都说男人都变种了；现在，女人也变种了。

一个dynamic的社会，没有谁会不变的。。。

重新找回动力！

今天回了圣约翰国中一趟。
两年了，从那里毕业两年了，但记忆还是新的一样。
走回每天高三走的那条路，回忆慢慢重整。
好多好多回忆~
校园倒是变了一点，也多了很多陌生脸孔。
现在认识的学弟都不到五个。
和久违了的老师谈天，突然整个人recharge起来。
遗失了好久的动力，终于回来了。
不晓得是不是在山上，旁边有个天主教教堂，而圣约翰本来也有一点点基督教的色彩。
每次回去都让我的心很平静，脚步也放慢了，总觉得那个地方很神圣，神圣到你根本不知道‘复杂’这个字怎样写~
谢谢老师们的一番话，总是给我很多inspiration去走接下来的路。。。。。^^