我在想什么？

听着‘不许哭’，曾是我七月份部落格的背景音乐，现在又被我放回上去了。
我发现我后悔了，后悔为什么这么冲动delete了那三个月的故事。
那种很甜很甜的感觉尝不回了，也找不回了。。。虽然他真的真的很坏。。。
现在和他，还是有联络，偶尔还会找他陪我吃个午餐之类的。。。真的不能相信自己还能表现得那么宽容。。。我应该不会掉回下去吧！千万个不行哦，刘巧颖！！喜欢上这种男孩等于自己去撞墙罢了。
我相信如果知道我的故事的朋友知道我还和他这样子的话，他们一定会骂我很傻很傻。。。
m.sing，你知道最多了，我是不是很傻？

#you told me that you'd never let me down
whenever i needed you you'd always be here#

都是'kiss'的歌词害的，让我又想回一切。什么'always by ur side',全都是骗人的。。。:'(

被云美鑫的歌声拉回到2007年中秋晚会那一天。。。当初真的很爱很爱你，现在却是那么的恨你，恨自己那么的爱你。。。:'(

二十多封的post是没有了，但原来回忆还是一直住在心里面。。。

虽然只是短短的三个月，但你留给我的，实在是太多了，目前为止。。。而我又留给你什么？可能你都不懂我留了什么给你，我自己也不懂。。。当初就不应该这么认真。。。靠感觉就是会害死自己的。。。

刚才去了money那里用塔罗牌占卜了一下下，不是问关于以上的‘男孩’，不想知道我们之间还会有什么。。。却问了另一个人。。。占出来的结果还不错的。。。^_^。。。但事情就是高兴太早，在msn跟朋友chat了一下下，朋友告诉我他蛮花心的，之前的开心又被我收了回来。。。

我怕了花心的男孩。。。但想下，我有时还不是会over frenly到令人误会，被讲是非。。。

哈哈，刚刚又和money讨论到这点，以前中学的朋友都有归宿了，真的只剩我们两个人。。。这次的情人节又要一个人过了咯。。。

唉，希望塔罗牌显灵啦，真的希望那张我抽到的‘宿命’会带来好的结果。。。

哭了~

以为只要做好自己的本分，远离是非，就不会看到职场上的不完美。
昨天，还是在同事面前掉泪了。。。
做错不是重点，重点是自己一直学不好，一直忘记。。。
也许对自己的要求已远远超越自己现在的能力，那压力在一瞬间涌上来，只是觉得呼吸很重，泪水已在眼睑边缘打滚，连眨眼都要很小心翼翼，深怕一个不小心泪水就会决堤。。。
天知道我是用了多大的勇气才不让它滑落，一直告诉自己不能哭，一定要忍着把泪水吞下去。。。
但原来泪水也会有不听话的时候，就像自身能力负荷不了那压力一样。。。于是，它就这样形成两条线，滑了下来。。。

*有人告诉我：“经历过雨天，晴天才会到来。。。”，都说了，人最不会安慰的，就是自己。。。*

（我现在好多了，不用担心。^_^)

i miss~

review back all the photoes that i've posted in my frenster...
i miss those days where i still wearing two-piece school uniform....
white shirt n blue skirt....how sweet was dat....
viewed all the school life photoes in fren's frenster profile...
i miss those moments where we study together, go to the lab together, break together n laugh together....
happiness n sorrow....how sweet was dat....
seriously i'm very lazy to wake up juz to go for work, lazy to make up n do sumthing that i think i wouldn't do juz to entertain all the customers....
tired......
however, luckily i met quite a number of johannians who r working there as well, break together n play around together...n of coz my collegues...
conclusion, i miss St.John's....

~nice~

the sapphire nite sky is clear n deep....
the moon is big, round n white....
the stars r sparkling, juz like diamonds, lighten up the lonely sky....
staring outside from the cab, i fall for it....
how long i've been missing it?
i doubt....
the feeling juz very 'disney'....(lolz, i know it's rather odd using 'disney' to describe the feeling)
where it's very unreal n yet it's juz so true coz it's upon me....
i thought of my hometown, my frens n my family, n of coz myself...
wad am i actually longing for?
a hustle-bustle busy life juz like jive?or a peaceful slow step life juz like waltz?
am i too 'young' or too 'old' to think of dis?
life, always full wiv questioning...
sigh, how do i wish i could juz lay on a greeny open big grass field at the late nite,
feel the soft breeze, inhaling the fresh 'grassy' aroma, fold each of my palm underneath my head,
blank my mind, n juz stare at the sky.....
i know i'm selfish coz i actually thought dat it would be nice if the whole sentul area is facing blackout....selfish rite?
coz within the darkness, oni u can witness the beauty of the little tiny sparkles in the dark...
as in life, u could realize how bright ur future can be if u hav walked past the low tide of ur life...
but oni wiv a very strong determination...
n sorry again for saying dat, i wish for a blackout, juz for one nite......

wad am i doing?

wad am i doing? i ask myself.......
y i soooooo stubborn!!!

不习惯

原来这几天一直在下雨。被困在the mall里，真的仿佛与外面的世界隔绝了，不知道天气如何，不知道交通状况如何，不习惯。。。

今天总算有得休息，但就只是那么一天。睡到太阳都晒到屁股了，我才甘愿起床，而且，若不是sunny突然打电话过来，我想我还在睡吧！在家的感觉好好噢！这是出去工作后的感想。

早上daddy打包早餐给我吃，拿着astro遥控器不停按着，翻阅报纸，这些是我以前常做的，但现在一个星期只能做一次吧！不习惯。。。

见同事多过见家人，不习惯。。。

没有mommy煮的菜，不习惯。。。

现在生活中的一切一切，就是那么的不习惯就对了。。。

原来，逃离了读书的日子，我还是经营不到我要的生活。。。

~过渡期~

现在是另一个过渡期，从学生转变成成人，从学校踏进社会大学。。。
原来过渡期是这种心情，今天可以肯定了。。。
什么都要一个人，我有必要那么独立吗？
一个人上班，吃饭，下班，等lrt。。。
寂寞一来袭，那种很‘空’的感觉又来了。。。
又想到要重新适应周遭的一切，
由很不习惯到习惯，直至麻木。。。
有朋友还说可以, 但一个人从头开始就需要勇敢一点了。。。
想回来，还是那一句，女人再怎么坚强，再怎么本领都好，还是需要被保护的。。。

yay!!!

yay, got my salesman code finally, but i makan telur pulak!!!!cannot, tml muz break the egg!!!!!plz la God, drop some customers that reli wan to buy jewellery n let me grab them ok??hahahha..........:p

想哭

现在听着伍家辉的‘需要你’，突然想哭。。。
有种想吐的感觉，很反胃。。。
心情不好。。。我很任性hor。。。

i'm soooo 'stupid'

Raining day....came out from the main entrance....i felt cold...ya, it's raining day.....the air is fresh, the night sky is clear....however, i dun hav the mood to enjoy, stepping on a quick step, i was heading to lrt station....again, mood-swing again....

i'm so stupid, get mad n worried becoz of that, i might juz ntg ....for him...

Finally papa has arrived.....the wind isn't strong, but i felt cold....it's raining day, i juz kept shivering along the way, arming myself till i got home....

Answered a strange number....it's from him....luckily dis call has made me felt better....wad's the situation now?me myself asking myself, wad is happening...i dunno...i dunno y in academic field, i can juz simply answer the question i dunno juz b'coz i dunwan blank it....but in 'dis' field, i juz cant giv any answer to myself if i dunno, seriously dunno, not even a guess one...y?

i'm soooo 'stupid', maybe i shudn't think too much rite?the feeling juz hard to tackle....mood-swinging again....

mood-swing-ing

My mood juz swinging up n down today.....kinda unstable....dunno y.....
i hate dis feeling of.......erm......undefined??
wad had happen actually.........
hopefully i'll get better after one nite of sleep.......

Life....

Everything juz seems like another new life for me....

i miss those days......

i nvr meet them for so long edi.....

i face my collegues more than i face my family n my frens.......

Life seems like changing diection, but i dunwan.........

Life, juz cannot be manipulated, sumtimes........

Sad to hear dat.......

first day working

huhuhu.....juz came back from the mall....well, today was my first day working, learnt a lot though....

Learnt sumthing about diamond, gemstones n white gold.....can c but cannot own all the expensive stuff.....n the most important is i hav learnt how to sell a product, how to communicate wiv ur customers n etc.....

Actually most of the time i juz sit der or stand aside by those experienced one, coz i'm still under training, for one week, after dat i wan to break my first egg, start persuading the customers to buy, hahaha.....

Well, i injured my toe again, sobbing....next time shud bring slipper.....wanna thanks to my daddy n mommy coz they knew i'm hungry after work, they go to pasar malam purposely to buy me dinner, they knew i was hurting my toe again, they pass me plasters so dat i can use it whenever i wear the stupid shoes!!!the nicer the shoes r, the more suffering the ladies is who wearing dat....touched!!!

wearing make up for whole day....oh!!it juz sux, i scare my skin wil get sux summore....wearing the shoes, argh!!!!!i shud get a better one next time, expensive oso nvm, as ong as it is comfortable.....sobbing......sitting at the front counter for the whole day, oh man!!!cannot read, cannot sms, but luckily can sit n can chat wiv frens....hahahha.....haih, no point la, working is like dat de le....

So, my juniors out der enjoy ur school life ya.....highschool life always the sweetest, sincerely from my heart...